Say What You Mean!

Something I struggle with a lot is people saying one thing but meaning another. I automatically assume that they mean exactly what they said, but this often isn’t the case and it’s very confusing deciding whether or not they meant what they said.

Sometimes, this makes me feel betrayed when they didn’t adhere to what they said, but it can be because they never really meant it in the first place. They were just making conversation.

For instance, someone says ‘oh we should do that sometime’ or ‘we should meet up’ but they didn’t really mean it. It’s something that a lot of people seem to say but not mean. It’s kinda suffocating trying to differentiate between a legit promise and a fake one. I just wish people would say exactly what they mean. It would make life a lot easier.

If people told me exactly what they thought of me, life would be easier too. I can differentiate between people who like me for who I am and people who want me to become something I’m not — and stick with the friends that accept me.

I just don’t understand why people always say the opposite of what they mean. It means that I get my hopes up for something that’s never going to happen. Over the years, I’ve had a lot of failed promises, but I still seem to get my hopes up because I never know when one is real.

Sometimes, promises are real, and I am so thankful for the people that say what they mean. For instance, when MyMindSpeaksAloud said that she’d love to go to a cat cafe with me, I was wondering whether we were really going to do it. Now it’s booked and ready for August! I am very excited about it, and it’s really happening, unless a cat-astrophic event happens that prevents it. I love puns.

If people just told everyone what they meant, we would all have a much easier time, in my opinion.

Do you find people confusing?

Lia

19 and Not Ready

So, today is my 19th birthday. I feel like this age doesn’t suit me. I don’t feel 19; I feel a lot younger. I always struggle with growing up because certain expectations are thrown at you. Like, I’m too old for certain things, so I look at it longingly in the store but won’t get it because I’d be judged. I love childish games.

Age isn’t just a number. I know that’s the statement, but it always feels like it’s supposed to define your character, and that shouldn’t be the case. Just because you’re 70, doesn’t mean you are supposed to read the newspaper and do gardening. And being 19 shouldn’t mean going out partying, drinking, and going to uni. I don’t do any of those things by the way. It’s alright if you do, but it shouldn’t be defined by your age. It should be defined by whether you want to do these things.

Why is so much stuff age-defined? Everything you buy has a certain type of buyer and if you don’t fall into that category, sometimes you can get judged. I fear judgement from everyone so I don’t even talk about the things that would make me most happy. I just have a young heart.

Thank you for reading,

Lia

The “What do I think about Art” Tag

This tag was started by MyMindSpeaksAloud and she decided to tag me, which is a great honour. Thank you! ❤

Rules:

  • Copy the piece of art given to you by your nominator into the post, as well as these rules
  • Analyse the piece of art given to you and what it means to you (you can be as abstract as you like)
  • Nominate 5 people to analyse another piece of art of your choice
    Art given to me:

artt

 I like the fact that you can see the painter for a size comparison. I’m guessing it must be some kind of sculpture because of the way it goes in front of her legs, if it’s not a real person, because it looks so realistic. Like a person just being painted blue. I can’t tell what it is! Help! This is so confusing.

 I think that the entire piece being painted in different shades of blue creates a cold and unwelcoming atmosphere, and the man’s facial expression doesn’t help that to subside. He looks almost threatening, or like he’s concentrating on something. He’s definitely not a source of positive energy. The way he puts his arms down is very exact too, as if he’s working something out. He’s sitting in a chair, which is ultimately a source of comfort, but everything else suggests an entirely different feeling, which makes me think that the chair is showing humanity in a man that otherwise looks quite cruel. The darker shades of blue also encompass the feeling of warmth because darker colours in general suggest a warmer and more cosy mood.

The room he’s in is, perhaps, a suggestion of the walls he puts up around himself. They are lighter shades, suggesting he puts up a cold and heartless shell. The chair is his inner self, the self that he can’t quite get out, and he might not be able to get it out until he learns to embrace it, but judging from the look on his face, I’d say that is far, far away.

My nominations:

OfChocolateAndLemons

Lia

thelongestroadtowalk

Rebekah

Thewalkofthoughts – I know you’re already tagged but you said I could tag you again so :p

and basically anyone else who wants to do it!! Please do it. Cool, thanks. 😛

The piece of art I chose for you to analyse:

1978525_1596333637253502_3365766152935828905_o

This is by my mum, Sally Jane Payne. Look her up on Facebook (Sally Jane Payne Art) or instagram (@sallyjanepayneart) because she’s awesome and I love her art. It might be a bit of self-family-promotion but I think it could be analysed very awesomely.

Thank you 🙂

Change and Autism

We all go through change — everyone, whether it’s moving house or just trying a new cereal, it’s all the same thing: change. Change can be minor or major but, in the end, it can change a lot of other things as well. For instance, I changed as a person when I transferred school in year nine. I made some really good friends there and that made me gain confidence. However, my confidence has dropped again since starting college.

Change, to most people, can be a daunting thing; you don’t know what to expect from it. For instance, if I had been allowed to vote, I would have voted in for the EU referendum, because of the change that leaving would entail. We left and I’m having to adjust to that. On the other hand, today we went to a new cafe I have not been in before (as opposed to the usual one we go to) and I was really sad and had a mini-meltdown because it wasn’t the normal one. Then my food came and it was so well-presented and nice and they’d really taken into consideration my veganism that I just couldn’t hate the cafe. I realised that it was actually quite nice. It just wasn’t what I was used to.

If you’re autistic, change is an even more terrifying thought, because we like routine and to have an interruption to that routine makes us intensely stressed. At college, I have always had the same teacher and the same class for English and that is nice for me because it is the same. I have however had five teachers in total so far for creative writing, as well as the classes merging at the beginning of the year (making a massive class, which I can’t stand) and it really feels like they don’t care about our happiness: just funding. The change has really impacted me in a negative way so much so that I haven’t been to college as much as I should be. I also haven’t been because I have to read a potentially-triggering book in English. So, basically, my attendance is bad.

I cried my first day of creative writing, at the break, (though I didn’t tell anyone and only one teacher noticed and she kept pestering me but I was just like “no I don’t need anyone k thanks”) because the change was so extreme. It doesn’t seem like they have taken into consideration what effect this could have on me and my class. I think everyone hates the change but it is just annoying for the rest of the class: for me, it’s terrifying.

Change is hard but sometimes you have to adapt to the change in environment, survival of the fittest and all that, though sometimes, if it’s negative change that could have been prevented, it feels like there is no one who understands the agony it causes me. If I get anxious over a change in cafes, just imagine me adapting to my. fifth. teacher. Not all change is negative though, remember that. Changing schools was one of the best things that happened to me because I met A New Chapter and another really cool person who doesn’t have a blog.

How do you feel about change?

Lia

Exams and Stuff

I had my first AS exam today in English.

I think the actual content was alright but after I got a call saying that I’d not filled in the front form. I had used a computer so hadn’t used the answer booklet at all (so hadn’t filled out the form) and the invigilator didn’t tell me to fill out the form, so I didn’t.

I’m really worried about what this might mean, I guess. I hope everything gets sorted out.

My aunt and uncle are coming over in the weekend because they’re coming to a friend’s 60th birthday party over here. That should be really nice; I’ve seen them twice this month, which is how often I usually see them each year!

Also, it’s my birthday in a week. I’m getting a fold-up treadmill because I’m swag; I think my mum is also getting me some Patrick Swayze films. [I might have accidentally seen them on Amazon when I was buying her birthday present.] I’m also getting a custom birthday cake from a local vegan Cafe. That should be nice.

I have two exams next week; the second English paper, and the creative writing paper. I really hope I do okay in them.

How is everyone else doing? Anyone else got exams coming up? 

Thanks for reading this post,

Lia