What Am I Doing With My Life?

So, two people in one day asked me the same question: what am I doing with my life? One conversation went something like this:

Them: Are you going to university?

Me: No.

Them: Are you working?

Me: No.

Them: Are you breathing…?

The other conversation was just a catch-up with an old friend, whom seems to have a really cool job as a teaching assistant with tiny children. I love children, so that seems fun. We talked a lot about our pets, and then about what we’re doing at the moment.

Anyway, it made me realise that people don’t understand me that well at all. These people that I’m friends with aren’t very similar to me. There is one friend I have who is very similar to me but we don’t meet up much, and it’s pretty much just her emailing me jokes that make me laugh. She thinks they’re not funny but they’re really my types of jokes!

So, I don’t have any prospects. I’m just an eighteen-year-old living with her parents. A lot of eighteen-year-olds live with their parents still, so I’m not too abnormal yet. My brother lives with my parents too — he’s nineteen! FYI: My mum moved out of her parent’s house at nineteen. I wish my brother took after her, because I really like the quiet. Just thinking is nice. And I can’t just think because he is constantly loud. I think I’ve complained about it a few times in blog posts… I have hyper-senses due to my autism, so every little sound really disturbs me! And he doesn’t even try to be quiet sometimes. The noise can be so loud…

Sorry for getting off topic! Basically, I think I should tell everyone a little thing about me: I don’t find it easy doing most jobs, or going to university. Both things involve interaction, and I have constant anxiety over every little thing, so something like that really wouldn’t work for me. I don’t know if I’ll get a job somewhen in the future, but right now, I don’t want one. I know that it would send my anxiety levels skyrocketing and my parents are fully supportive of me in everything I do. They want me to try working on my writing, but honestly, I’ve been stuck for ideas lately. Somewhen, I might go to university, or the open university, but it isn’t this year, or next. People need to live life at their own pace.

Not everyone should feel pressured to do what everyone else their age is doing. Sure, other people my age are at university or at a job: that isn’t me. Not right now, anyway. I have autism and it limits many of my social skills. Lots of people with autism do go to work or university, but I don’t find it works for me at the moment. I’m also pretty tired a lot of the time. I don’t know why, it’s kinda undiagnosed, but it stops me from being able to just go out and do things.

Remember that you shouldn’t feel like you have to do what the world is doing. You should do your own thing, be your own person. You can go to university if you want, that’s cool, but you should do it because you want to do it, not because everyone else is doing it. You can wait a year or two to try and figure out what you want to do in life. I want to be a cat, but unfortunately I haven’t figured out how yet. Maybe, one day…

Thanks for reading,

Lia

Advertisements

Judging

So, I was at my autism group today — as I go to most Tuesdays, excluding next week because I’m on holiday! — and there was a new boy. Well, two new boys, but this particular new boy is the one I’m gonna talk about because this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him.

In fact, we were at school together for years, in the same class, and he was alright – sometimes a bit annoying but sometimes nice. He had a few anger problems and I remember this one incident when he pushed a girl to the ground and she really over-exaggerated it, claiming she couldn’t remember anything, just because she was quite attention-seeking and manipulative. To be honest, I was glad he pushed her over — but that’s not the point! He got in trouble for that, and we just thought he had behavioural issues, but we never found out the reason.

I found out today though. It was a very late diagnosis, apparently, even later than mine — but I now see those memories so differently to how I did before. Before, I saw him as a boy with anger issues; now, I see him as more similar to me than I thought. He was nice today but it’s made me think.

Lots of people have issues that are invisible; like me, like him, and they get judged for them because they’re invisible. People wonder why they’re so out of sorts but then they don’t know the real reason. I didn’t know the real reason but now I do and I guess my mind feels a bit cleaner, if you get what I mean. He didn’t know the reason either but now he does. We both do, I guess.

Someone might get angry, or they might assume, but that isn’t their fault and you should make sure you make them feel appreciated. Don’t ignore them, don’t leave them out; if you give them the friend they want, maybe they won’t get angry, or maybe they won’t assume. We just want to be understood and once we’re understood, then we’ll be happy, and you can be happy too. 🙂

Thank you so much for reading this post

Got any suggestions? I’m open!

Lia 🙂