Urges

Urges send my hands reaching,

clawing at what they want,

but then I stop them.

I have to stop them.

Urges control my mind,

every thought in it

wants the same thing.

Happiness, sadness,

anger, they all become one.

One spear aimed at the heart.

Whether it misses or not,

that’s up to me,

and whether I listen

to my mind.

The spear misses this time.

when?

when does the time come
for me to rot into compost
and grow as a tree?
when does the time come
for you to wash your face
and your sins?
when does the time come
for my headache to leave
and yours to return?
when?
now, tomorrow, forever?
when?

My Five Minutes of Fame

http://www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/girl-writes-poem-about-having-autism-1-7766168

This article is my five minutes of fame, I think? My local newspaper interviewed me last week and then today the article was published online and I think it might be out in print later this week.

It’s kinda awesome, in a way, apart from the terrible photograph. My dad sent off the poem and then was like “oh, by the way, I just sent off one of your poems to the newspaper” and I was like “oh cool” without thinking much of it, because honestly, I didn’t think they would respond. But they did, and now I’m in the newspaper.

You can read it if you like but, if you’ve seen my Instagram, you will already have read the poem on there. 🙂

2012 [Poem]

It was 2012,

I was 12,

the world crumbled

around me,

I fell,

It was 2012,

I was 12,

the year of the diamond jubilee,

the London Olympics,

and it was also the worst year

of my life,

it was the year when my innocence

became something of the past,

it was the year when I was tormented so bad

that I thought a blade would help,

it was the year when I thought she would die

and it was the year I thought I would too,

except for her she wouldn’t want it,

it was the year that I had nobody,

no friends, except my cats,

it was the year that I got told I was worthless

over and over and over and over and over

until eventually, I knew it was true,

because why would anyone lie to me?

it was the year I had my face pulled tight

so no one would see me crying

except for one incident

where my IT teacher caught me crying

into my coat,

but that was a one-off,

and no one knew the real reason except one

and then two and then three and it was all too many

especially when that police officer asked for me

and I thought it was me that was in trouble

but she told me it wasn’t me,

it was him,

it was him,

and I didn’t say a word,

but it was also the year my parents lifted my sleeves

and wept,

because I wasn’t the daughter they thought I was,

I was much more damaged,

when I said school was good,

I meant helpmepleasehelpmeicanttakeitanymore

and it was the year I refused to come inside one night,

sat outside shivering,

because my parents knew and I couldn’t deal with how real it was,

how before I had been fine suffering on my own

but now I was suffering with others:

2012, the year I don’t speak of, that I just spoke of.

2012, the year that destroyed me, but repaired me.

2012, the year that chopped off my legs, then gave me stilts.

Smile [Poem]

Trust me,

I’m here,

Waiting for you to smile —

and I’m not leaving

until you do.

I might not be smiling myself,

But that doesn’t mean you can’t;

Don’t be a sheep,

be the one mouth that does

rise.

I’m waiting for you

to laugh and to conquer

but I’m also waiting for you to

see the roses in your

heart.

How I Write Poetry

I recently got a lovely comment from someone, on my poem ‘Repeat’ (which you can find here) and she asked if I could write a blog post on how I write poetry. I’ve never really had any suggestions for posts before, so I got excited by this, but then I thought: wait, how do I write poetry?

I’ve never really considered this. I just write my poetry, without really thinking about it, so I didn’t know how to write this post. But I’ve been thinking and that isn’t necessarily true: I do think about it, it’s just so natural to me that I find it hard to understand how others might struggle with it. Obviously, I’m not that good at poetry, but writing it is definitely a hobby of mine. I write so much!

So, now I’m thinking about it, I thought I’d tell you in stages how I write it and how you could write it.

Stage one: The idea

This is about considering the idea of what I want to write. I never just write a poem based off of anything. It has to be personal to me. Often, it is inspired by things I see or situations I’m in, but it will always be personal. The less attached you are to a poem, the less attached readers will be too, at least, in my experience. For example, ‘Repeat’ is written about the judgement and examination you get in your life in general, but was triggered by me having exams. That made it something I could relate to and, hopefully, readers could relate to.

Stage two: Writing it

Usually, this is quick, once I get started, but the getting started can be hard because I sometimes don’t know to phrase it. Writing the poem, to me, is the part that requires hardly any thinking. I usually don’t rhyme my poems, but when I do, it’s generally unforced. You should only rhyme if you want to, not if you feel the need to. If you feel pressured to rhyme, your poem can come across as cold, instead of bubbling with the emotions you wanted to put into it.

I tend to use metaphors in quite a lot of my poems — and sometimes the entire poem will be a metaphor! I feel that, if you are uncertain about saying what you actually mean, metaphors are the way to go! They can express your emotions without causing too much heartache for you. 🙂

Stage three: Editing

I, personally, don’t edit! I know people are thinking “what?!?! you have to edit!” and I do edit my stories — but poetry is about getting your emotions across and I feel that editing takes away the raw emotions. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t edit; it’s a personal decision. A lot of people I know do edit.

If you decide to edit, make sure that the emotion you first put into it is still there. Don’t take out the emotion. That’s the most important thing. Only clear up the flow of the poem, not the feelings.

And… done!

I know my advice probably isn’t the best because I really don’t know how I write my poetry but someone wanted me to do a post on it so I did! I don’t want to let my followers down hehe…

Hope you liked this post,

Lia