Seven Reasons Why My Pets Are Robots

This is a list of reasons why my pets are robots.

  1. My dog, named The Pablo-62, runs to me when I get home. This is obviously a sign that he is a robot and is just doing what he is programmed to do.
  2. My cat, called The Diegometer-360, purrs all the time. This is definitely a sign of a malfunction; I will have to find my receipt.
  3. Another one of the cats in my residence, The Smiler-400, is not actually my cat. Another sign of malfunction, his registered home changed to mine somewhere in the line of things, and he is now in our home. This is surely a sign that these ‘pets’ are all broken.
  4. The Pablo-62 has a growl button. I’m not sure whether this was intentionally put in to deter people from touching his sides, but it certainly isn’t necessary. I will be contacting the distributors to discuss this problem.
  5. Sometimes they’ll just stare at me for hours. This is worrying and I am sure they are going to take over the world soon.
  6. They lie in uncomfortable places. Surely if these robots had emotions, they would not lie in wicker boxes, or rest their heads on wooden bars. It is odd.
  7. The cats and the dog co-exist. If they were not robotic, emotionless beings, they would hate each other. This is surely a sign of roboticism.

    This is a very, extremely, super serious post. All animals are robots and have no emotions. Watch out, or they might become sentient beings.