21st Birthday

It was my 21st birthday last week. I had plans for my 21st. I hadn’t planned a party, because I’m not a party person, but I had planned a meal out with my family. It was going to be a chance to see my aunt, uncle and cousins, who I don’t regularly get to see. It would have been really nice.

It didn’t happen. As you know, a lot of the world has been isolating recently due to Covid-19. I have been worried about my family, too, so have not been out at all for quite a while. Obviously, the plans that I had were not going to go ahead. Instead, I had a takeaway with the family that I do live with. My mum managed to order all kinds of accessories online for my birthday; balloons, bunting, napkins. It might not have been the birthday I had planned, but it was nonetheless an amazing birthday.

I still got gifts. A large Lush parcel arrived from my cousins, which was lovely. I had lots of money to spend as I wished (I bought a humidifier and diffuser for my room). I got a birthday cake, which was decorated as a panda’s face. My birthday was good, and I’m so thankful to have had a wonderful family to spend it with. I might still celebrate with extended family, but it might not be for a while. In fact, there’s a lot of stuff that we will eventually catch up on with them. I had a phone call from my aunt which made me smile.

I have included a picture of the panda cake below. This birthday will be one to remember, even if not for the reasons I expected.

– Lia

What Am I Doing With My Life?

So, two people in one day asked me the same question: what am I doing with my life? One conversation went something like this:

Them: Are you going to university?

Me: No.

Them: Are you working?

Me: No.

Them: Are you breathing…?

The other conversation was just a catch-up with an old friend, whom seems to have a really cool job as a teaching assistant with tiny children. I love children, so that seems fun. We talked a lot about our pets, and then about what we’re doing at the moment.

Anyway, it made me realise that people don’t understand me that well at all. These people that I’m friends with aren’t very similar to me. There is one friend I have who is very similar to me but we don’t meet up much, and it’s pretty much just her emailing me jokes that make me laugh. She thinks they’re not funny but they’re really my types of jokes!

So, I don’t have any prospects. I’m just an eighteen-year-old living with her parents. A lot of eighteen-year-olds live with their parents still, so I’m not too abnormal yet. My brother lives with my parents too — he’s nineteen! FYI: My mum moved out of her parent’s house at nineteen. I wish my brother took after her, because I really like the quiet. Just thinking is nice. And I can’t just think because he is constantly loud. I think I’ve complained about it a few times in blog posts… I have hyper-senses due to my autism, so every little sound really disturbs me! And he doesn’t even try to be quiet sometimes. The noise can be so loud…

Sorry for getting off topic! Basically, I think I should tell everyone a little thing about me: I don’t find it easy doing most jobs, or going to university. Both things involve interaction, and I have constant anxiety over every little thing, so something like that really wouldn’t work for me. I don’t know if I’ll get a job somewhen in the future, but right now, I don’t want one. I know that it would send my anxiety levels skyrocketing and my parents are fully supportive of me in everything I do. They want me to try working on my writing, but honestly, I’ve been stuck for ideas lately. Somewhen, I might go to university, or the open university, but it isn’t this year, or next. People need to live life at their own pace.

Not everyone should feel pressured to do what everyone else their age is doing. Sure, other people my age are at university or at a job: that isn’t me. Not right now, anyway. I have autism and it limits many of my social skills. Lots of people with autism do go to work or university, but I don’t find it works for me at the moment. I’m also pretty tired a lot of the time. I don’t know why, it’s kinda undiagnosed, but it stops me from being able to just go out and do things.

Remember that you shouldn’t feel like you have to do what the world is doing. You should do your own thing, be your own person. You can go to university if you want, that’s cool, but you should do it because you want to do it, not because everyone else is doing it. You can wait a year or two to try and figure out what you want to do in life. I want to be a cat, but unfortunately I haven’t figured out how yet. Maybe, one day…

Thanks for reading,

Lia