Resolutions? I Don’t Think So!

Every year, we have resolutions and a lot of us break them. I’ve decided not to have any resolutions this year because they’re really bad for my mental health and they make me want to better myself, rather than accepting myself the way I am. I think it’s okay for people to have resolutions, as long as they don’t push themselves beyond their limit. When you’re like me, resolutions can mean serious emotional torment. I usually fail them anyway.

There’s so much that I could do, but I don’t want to get unhealthy habits by obsessing over things I could improve about myself.

I’ve got a lot of flaws so there are a lot of things I could say about what I want to improve. But I don’t want to. I’ve stopped wanting to better myself. I’ve learned that if others don’t love you for how you are now, then they aren’t worth it. And everything has always been about other people for me. What will they think? That’s such an unhealthy thought process and, due to anxiety, I don’t think I can ever fully eliminate that thought from my mind — but I can start caring about my life again.

Obviously, if I happen to change when doing other things, then that will happen, but I won’t focus my entire being on trying to change myself. I’ve always wanted to change myself and I’m just done with that now.

So here’s to 2019 and another year of being me.

Lia 🙂

Expectations

I’m an empty casket, don’t put a body in me. I don’t want something to sleep within me, I don’t want the weight. You expect me to fulfil my purpose, of carrying a body, of being a container for it, but I want to be something else. I want to be free. I don’t want to do that, maybe I want to have nothing inside of me, because then I can fill it with my mind and my soul, without them suffocating.

The body is going in… I’m drowning. I can’t see the body but I can feel it. I can feel the crushed emotions, I can feel the sleeping soul. I want it gone… but, you see, it is my destiny to contain this body for the rest of eternity.

Eternity? Yes. I am to be the home of this body. I can rattle and squeak… but I can’t let it out. I have to fulfil my expectations, the ones I wanted to be gone. I can’t do anything. I can’t throw the body out. I have to live with this weight.

Have to.

Expectations.

My New Years Expectations

Usually, I’d do resolutions, which are what I want to achieve each year, but I never achieve them and it just makes me feel rubbish, so instead, I’m going to do my expectations! This is what I expect out of the year, instead of what I want to achieve.

  • I expect to get through my last remaining a-level, and to get an alright grade. If this was resolutions, I’d say I want an A, but for expectations, I expect a B. 🙂
  • I expect to feel rubbish some of the time, but that’s okay. That is okay. I cannot go through the entire year without feeling some sadness.
  • I expect to have my 18th with my family and friends. I want to forget the fact that I’m gonna be an adult and play board games and have pizza like a kid!
  • I expect my pets to be there throughout the year, making me feel good when I might feel down!
  • I expect it to be a better year than last year. Honestly, tomorrow, A Monster Calls is coming out in cinemas — if that isn’t a great start to the year, then I don’t know what is!
  • I expect to start writing more again. I’ve kind of been doing a lot of poetry recently on my Instagram (of the same name as my blog), but I haven’t been doing a lot of stories! I think I will pick up the story-writing pen again soon! 🙂
  • I expect to continue going to a group I’ve been going to and to enjoy most of it.
  • I expect to continue blogging, and to also get a custom domain — hopefully very soon! 🙂

    Thank you for reading!
    What are your expectations for the year?

    Lia

The Winter Wonderland Tag

Thanks so much to Alicia for nominating me. This is the perfect start to Winter: just hope it snows this year… xD

The Questions

Do you like the cold?

I don’t like the cold when it’s so cold that I’m burning — without there even being snow! Talk about mixed signals. I like the cold when it snows because snow really makes you feel like it’s Christmas. I like the cold because I can put on hats and scarves (particularly my panda hat) and have an excuse to have some tomato soup (which is so hard to find vegan, but I found it, woo). I generally prefer being cold to hot because there are ways to become hotter but, when it’s hold, you literally have to put yourself in a freezer if you want to be colder. xD

Favourite part about Winter?

Getting together with family for Christmas. I hate receiving gifts because it is super awkward but at least I can be with my family that I don’t see too often. I don’t have a massive family and the family I do have live a few hours away so it’s a real pleasure when I can go and see them. Plus, they have this lil cat who is adorable (not as adorable as mine, obviously, but still adorable).

Does it snow where you live?

No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. I live in England, and in the South too, so it is the most unpredictable place when it comes to weather. It hasn’t snowed since 2013 and so it needs to snow this year or I am going to be a very sad panda.

Favourite clothing item in Winter?

Jumpers are typically Winter items but I wear them all year so I won’t count them. I wear my panda hat, which I love a lot.

Your favourite Winter memory

When I was younger, it used to snow almost every year. It’s definitely become warmer as the years have gone on. Some years, the snow would be so thick. I have this memory of my babysitter – Emma – looking out to the snow with us and asking if we wanted to go build a snowman. That’s the only year I’ve ever built a snowman but I can still remember it, even if I was maybe four at the time.

Favourite hot drink?

Does soup count because tomato and basil soup — mhmm. I don’t really drink hot drinks so soup is all you’re getting.

Best Winter book to read curled up in a blanket

I don’t really know, to be honest. I’ll just say the book I’m reading at the moment: Slade House by David Mitchell (author of Cloud Atlas, which I love). It’s an eerily creepy book but, when wrapped in a blanket, you feel safe from the contents of it. I definitely recommend it.

Best Winter movie to watch

A family tradition is to watch A Muppet’s Christmas Carol. We love it so much, and once we even watched it in Swedish! It was an interesting experience.

Do you do any winter sports (skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating)?

I have never gone skiing or snowboarding, ever. Not once. I know a family friend lost their brother to a skiing accident though, so it’s quite dangerous sometimes. I have been ice-skating but I am not a professional as I don’t even go every year, let alone regularly. I usually hold the side too, because I suck. Dyspraxia is not a trustworthy friend.

Favourite Christmas/Holidays/New Years tradition.

As I’ve said for the movie question, watching A Muppet’s Christmas Carol. Our family is rarely ever together (brother and Dad work and when brother is home he stays in his room) so it is nice to do stuff together when we can. Also, going up to my aunt’s. Last year we stayed home because our Nan would’ve been alone (half-aunt who isn’t very nice was off on holiday with her fella) but then she was ill so didn’t come anyway :o. At New Years, we don’t really go out much for fireworks because they’re ehh; we watch some New Years programme and I have champagne, which I hate, but it is our tradition. xD

I Nominate…

Alice Rose A New Chapter Leo

Thanks for reading, hope you liked my answers. Even if you’re not nominated, if you wanna do this, do it. I would’ve nominated more but my followers list was broken today. I usually go through that xD

Happy Birthday!

So it is my friend and fellow blogger’s (although recent!) birthday today. A New Chapter is one of my closest real life friends, making me smile when I thought I couldn’t, making me laugh over anything. She’s pretty awesome.

I just think she needs to understand how awesome she is, and how awesome she has been for the last seventeen years – how she is a better contribution to the world, spreading rainbow dust wherever she goes and all that. Her presence can make anyone, even the grumpiest, be happy. She’s a wonderful person, truly, and I’m so lucky to have her as my friend.

I got her a mindfulness activity book thing for her birthday and some felt tips but I thought that that wasn’t enough for how amazing she is so I decided to do this post. I will never be able to express how much she has helped me over the years but I’m just glad that she has a part in my life, and I’m sure that everyone else who is in her life feels the same.

Thank you and happy birthday to you. 🙂

You’re awesome.