Dear Eve: A New Idea

Before I start, I want to say thank you to Kel for inspiring me and allowing me to do this. He recently started a letter series addressed to someone called Joe, whom is made up, and I thought it was a really good idea. It helps you to get your thoughts out there. I’ve done a few letters in the past, but never directed towards a fictitious person, so I think it’s a really great idea. You can say exactly what’s on your mind, but also feel like you’re expressing it to someone, even if they’re imaginary. I hope this series works out for me too, and please go check out his blog!

Dear Eve,

I know you don’t know me yet but you will know me. You aren’t real and yet I feel like I’m talking to someone. This is my first letter to you and I hope there will be many more.

Do you like cats, Eve? Back in August I visited a cat cafe for the first time in my life, in London. My anxiety was high about going to London as it’s such a big city but it turned out okay I think. The cats were cute anyway. I wonder, would you be a cat person or a dog person? I have both cats and a dog but I’d consider myself a cat person. I do the ‘would I have one if I lived by myself?’ test. As I live with my family, it is easier for me to have a dog, but I don’t think I would be able to deal with one if I lived by myself. The training and walkies would be too much for me, I think. Cats, however, would definitely be there. That’s why I’m a cat person. Cats also don’t bark whenever the bell rings, unlike a certain pomchi.

I guess you could call me an anxious person, Eve. I think a lot. Too much. Even when I know a solid plan, I think about the many, many ways in which it could go wrong. For instance, I am going to a board game club (yay social life) and I am going to take a game that I quite like — Catopoly (I told you I’m a cat person) which is basically cat monopoly. However, I am extremely worried that no one else will like the game and it will be boring for them. I know some of them for sure like cats but I don’t know if they’ll like this game.

About the social life thing: I might go to a couple of clubs, but I’m not a very social person. Outside of that, there isn’t much I do. I do sometimes have a social life outside of these clubs but it is infrequent. The reason I started going to these clubs was because I wasn’t going out at all. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong impression of me, Eve. I wouldn’t want to lie to you about being a high-flying social butterfly.

Our house has been on the market for over a year and it still hasn’t sold. It did sell for a bit but then the buyer decided she actually couldn’t afford it so it’s been back on for a while now. It’s stressing me out, the viewings. Often, there is little warning of them and I love notice. So when there’s hardly any notice that I have to leave the house for the viewing, it stresses me out. I’m stressed a lot lately. There’s another viewing soon but I was given an acceptable amount of warning for it. It’s still stressful but less so than if I had been given less warning. We always have to take the dog out as he isn’t the friendliest to ‘intruders of our house’ (basically people he deems to be in his territory). We have a good guard dog. If someone ever attempts to break in, we will know before they get in the door.

I’m feeling quite tired now, Eve. Did you like my first letter? I hope it was okay for you. I really want to talk to you more in future letters. I write this in my bed, at half-past midnight, because I always find my thoughts most cluttered in the night. Thanks for helping me decluttering them, Eve, by letting me write you this letter.

Love,

Lia

My mind

I have a mind that nobody but me understands. That can be pretty painful at times because you try to get people to connect and they can’t. It’s also special though because it gives you a place that nobody will ever be able to walk into. No matter where you are, what you’re doing, nobody can get there.
My mind is the most dangerous place in the universe though. It holds more threat that anything else. It has the power to do anything. It holds the knives that can stab us or other people, it holds the bombs that can light up an entire stadium with fear, it holds the rope that ties us to it. We can never escape our mind. It will always be there.

I sometimes feel like my mind is so conflicted that I would be better off if I did escape it, but then I realise that it holds memories I never want to leave, as well as ones I would tear apart if I had the chance, and I feel even more conflicted.

Mental health is the cancer of the mind; it destroys hopes, dreams, possibilities. It becomes something so infectious that soon your entire body suffers. You might snack unnecessarily, or not eat at all; I get so conflicted sometimes that I do both. One day I snack so much, other times I don’t want to eat. You might sleep too much, or not at all. Again, I do both. Some nights I don’t sleep, though these are rarer than the nights I do, but during the day I nap. A lot. I get exhausted from everything. Sometimes my body just won’t work. You might have problems internally as well, such as IBS, which has no known cure. It’s horrible. You might seem fine, heathy, but you know that your body is responding. It’s sending you signals. All these health problems are connected.

Our mind is the most lonely place, yet it is also the most free. You can be yourself there, but sometimes that can be terrifying. When I’m myself, I feel like I have nobody in the world. I suppose I don’t, not anyone that can truly enter my mind. My family are so wonderful but they don’t have my mind, or even a similar one. Some friends are similar, but I don’t want to bother them, when they have their own demons. And they’re too far away; or too hard to contact; or too busy, through no fault of their own, to really talk to. I suppose I am alone in this world and my mind is a cage.

But don’t worry: there is a key. It’s just on the other side.

The Blogger’s Story Award

Before I start, I need to give an explanation for my recent absence. As some of you might have noticed, I haven’t been on recently, and that’s because my laptop broke. It is fixed now though and so I can do posts again! Woo!

Firstly, I need to thank my awesome friend A New Chapter for nominating me! She is awesome and you need to go follow her, k?

the-bloggers-story-award.jpg

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Showcase the award photo
  • Answer the questions
  • Nominate 3+ bloggers

    What’s your blog name and why did you call it that?

My blog name is Bamboo Chewer. Originally, it was Chewing Bamboo, but in an irrational moment of anxiety, I deleted that blog! [The next day I decided I’d made a mistake and then oops I couldn’t get it back so I had to create a new one. xD] I called it that because my pen name that I used on another site, though I have recently deactivated that, has used the idea of being a “panda”, so I like the idea of pandas in general. As well as this, being a vegan, I have a similar vegetation to pandas (in regards to not eating meat etc — I don’t eat bamboo aha ;P) and I also love to nap! I just love pandas, to be honest.

How long have you been blogging?

Oh a while now! I started in February but, as you know, I did delete my first blog — so this blog has been open for less time. So that’s about half a year! Wow!

How many followers do you have?

I currently have 85 followers! Thank you guys ❤

Who was your first follower?

On this blog, It was My Mind Speaks Aloud, and she is also one of my best friends. Please check her out! She’s amazing and I love her and I’m probably going to steal her cats sometime soon. 😉

What got you into blogging?

Me and my friend Thirteen Purple Roses decided to start blogging together as practice/revision for our creative writing a-level. It’s not something you can really learn so we thought that starting a blog was the perfect way to practice for the exams! It has also become such a passion for me and I love blogging! 🙂

What is your favourite part of blogging?

The community! Everyone is so lovely and welcoming to new bloggers. I always worried about getting followers and comments but I didn’t need to worry because everyone has been so lovely! 🙂 Also, I feel like I can really say whatever I want without the blogging community judging me, which is just awesome! 😀

If you could change one thing about WordPress, what would it be?

A private messaging feature. I have met a lot of lovely bloggers on here who I can’t really talk to outside of WordPress, but unfortunately, there is no way to get to know them better! I need a private messaging feature! Haha 🙂

Why do you continue to blog?

All of my friends asking me when my next post is due (and some, who don’t have blogs, sending me awesome messages in response to my blogs), all you lot with your awesome comments, the fact that it’s fun! Just a lot of reasons really 🙂

Nominations:

OK OK, so I know she has already been nominated but I do this thing of double-nominating her so she’ll do it sooner: My Mind Speaks Aloud 😉

I also nominate Thirteen Purple Roses

My third nomination is, um, you… you there! You, you, you. xD

Thank you for reading this,

Lia