Expectations

I’m an empty casket, don’t put a body in me. I don’t want something to sleep within me, I don’t want the weight. You expect me to fulfil my purpose, of carrying a body, of being a container for it, but I want to be something else. I want to be free. I don’t want to do that, maybe I want to have nothing inside of me, because then I can fill it with my mind and my soul, without them suffocating.

The body is going in… I’m drowning. I can’t see the body but I can feel it. I can feel the crushed emotions, I can feel the sleeping soul. I want it gone… but, you see, it is my destiny to contain this body for the rest of eternity.

Eternity? Yes. I am to be the home of this body. I can rattle and squeak… but I can’t let it out. I have to fulfil my expectations, the ones I wanted to be gone. I can’t do anything. I can’t throw the body out. I have to live with this weight.

Have to.

Expectations.

My New Years Expectations

Usually, I’d do resolutions, which are what I want to achieve each year, but I never achieve them and it just makes me feel rubbish, so instead, I’m going to do my expectations! This is what I expect out of the year, instead of what I want to achieve.

  • I expect to get through my last remaining a-level, and to get an alright grade. If this was resolutions, I’d say I want an A, but for expectations, I expect a B. 🙂
  • I expect to feel rubbish some of the time, but that’s okay. That is okay. I cannot go through the entire year without feeling some sadness.
  • I expect to have my 18th with my family and friends. I want to forget the fact that I’m gonna be an adult and play board games and have pizza like a kid!
  • I expect my pets to be there throughout the year, making me feel good when I might feel down!
  • I expect it to be a better year than last year. Honestly, tomorrow, A Monster Calls is coming out in cinemas — if that isn’t a great start to the year, then I don’t know what is!
  • I expect to start writing more again. I’ve kind of been doing a lot of poetry recently on my Instagram (of the same name as my blog), but I haven’t been doing a lot of stories! I think I will pick up the story-writing pen again soon! 🙂
  • I expect to continue going to a group I’ve been going to and to enjoy most of it.
  • I expect to continue blogging, and to also get a custom domain — hopefully very soon! 🙂

    Thank you for reading!
    What are your expectations for the year?

    Lia