Questions

When we’re children, we see things for the first time, experience things for the first time, and our reaction is pure. We question the world too, asking stuff that we would never ask again because we’d grow up and develop a narrower mind. It’s true. Our minds are very open when we’re young, and then the experiences start to define us, and we close our minds, so that we don’t have to think about stuff we can’t comprehend.

What makes philosophers great is that they never stop questioning, and their minds become as open as the world around them. Though some of them still have narrow-minded approaches to certain things (*cough*Aristotle*cough*), they still see the world in a way that very few do. They would ask the simple questions that nobody would ever answer. It’s not about receiving the answer, but about letting the question out in the first place. In today’s society, we are still deeply narrow-minded and more selfish than we have ever been in history. We don’t stop to think about why we get scared over trivial things like doing a presentation in class (one of my own fears) when we actually have the advantage of education. Education is supposed to broaden our minds but, in my opinion, it does the opposite. This is simply because we learn stuff to do well in exams and exams are all we ever see in education. We don’t think about the bigger picture. As well as this, we don’t get taught about the bigger picture. We get taught things that will never matter, they’re only for an exam paper. Back in the day, there were philosophy schools, founded by some great philosophers, like Plato. If more schools taught us about philosophy and the questions that really matter, then we wouldn’t worry about our future so much. The future is a very temporary thing, as we are very temporary. We worry about our own tiny lives, without realising that our own lives are very trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Of course, it is a perfectly human trait to worry about yourself, and your own life, but I just like to think about the bigger things sometimes, and that makes me stop worrying, at least temporarily. I think about how our existence is a wonderful thing, yet we continue to abuse it. We are not monsters, but I am sure other species think of us as that. The way we treat the Earth, and the other living beings on it; we were given these minds so that we could use them kindly, but instead we use them like a weapon. Why do we use our minds as a weapon? What are we hiding from? Our minds are tools, and they should be sharpened like other tools, but they should not stab other minds. They should sharpen each other. Then, we’d be able to see the bigger picture, instead of our personal pleasure.

The questions are waiting to be asked. You don’t need to answer them; only ask. Just like when you were a child and you questioned everything. Become like that again.

What questions did you ask when you were children? I asked ones that could be seen as offensive if I wasn’t a child! I was just curious!

Thanks for reading,

Lia 

Game of Thrones [TV Show Review]

This is mostly spoiler-free. There are slight glimpses into the show but nothing that reveals a lot about it.

I have been watching Game of Thrones for not that long, but I am already three episodes into season five, because it’s one of the most addicting things I have ever watched. Every episode features several cliffhangers that you might not see the result of for a few more episodes, so you have to watch on, to find out what happens.

 Without including too many spoilers, I will state that there are characters you love and characters you hate, but all play a part in the story, so it is still unpleasant when a horrible character dies; though somewhat satisfying. And characters will die, whether you want them to or not. They will all die. Even characters you thought were safe because they’re such an integral part of the story. Sorry, nope, dead. But new characters are added too and then you become attached to them — and they die as well. It’s just the circle of life, somewhat sped up.

 One of my favourite characters is Tyrion Lannister, whom is often belittled and made to feel worthless because of his smaller stature (due to dwarfism) and because his birth resulted in his mother dying, but he is one of the wisest characters in the series and it is very saddening to see how little some members of his family think of him. Another favourite is Daenerys Targaryan, who, for the majority of her life, was made to feel like nothing more than a little girl that her brother could do with as he pleased.  So she knows what it feels like to feel insignificant as well, yet she becomes a strong female ruler and someone who is worshipped, something that her brother never had. No one ever willingly worshipped him, because they didn’t love him like they do her. And then, following in the pattern of being perceived as lesser of a human, we have Jon Snow, a bastard. He had a loving father and loving siblings, but he was never the Stark that he wanted to be. His step-mother was cold to him because he wasn’t hers, and he would never carry the family name, but he becomes a leader in his own right too. A leader without formality. You don’t need to be a king or a queen to be a leader. Jon Snow is a natural leader. There are a lot more characters that I love, and have loved (before they were ripped away from me), but this post would be very long.

 The storyline is wonderful and I actually haven’t had a favourite season, but perhaps Season One wasn’t so good because you weren’t expecting the deaths. Now, you know what to expect. Back then, it was like WHATNODONTDIE. Season five has been good so far, with another cliffhanger wanting me to watch the next episode tomorrow night.

 Actually, the actor who played Olly was at school with me — in the year below, but I don’t remember him leaving much to go do Game of Thrones, so perhaps he did it in the summer holidays. I didn’t actually know that he was in it at the time, as I didn’t watch it, but my friends did.  He was in my house and became head of my house and then, when I left school, he became head of the year. I just thought he was a smart and popular boy, but he was also in Game of Thrones. That’s quite cool. 

I really love this series now and am sad that it won’t last forever, because I would be willing to watch 2000 seasons of it. I love the intro too; very catchy music, and every episode I notice something new on the map. It is so cool! Just the entire series is really.

Thanks for reading,

Lia

Routine and Fashion

As you are probably aware, I’m autistic, which means that routines are a big part of my life. I can’t deal with someone changing the plan or not giving me specifics; it gives me a kinda meltdown. But sometimes I get overwhelmed with the plan too and then I have to cancel myself.

Due to my like of routines, my clothing choices rarely vary. I have to have the same style of clothing every day. For me, this routine is greyscale. I wear black, white and shades of grey in-between. I don’t usually vary from this colour scheme. I’ve been using it for several years now and don’t see it changing anytime soon.

As well as this, I have this houndstooth bag. One time, my mum went to a workshop for autistic parents, and they mentioned that the houndstooth design is fascinating to autistic people. I had this bag before my mum even went, so she found it really interesting that they were saying that lots of people like me have a similar interest in it.

Another thing is my footwear. I always have to wear boots; black, relatively small boots. Even in summer, when my parents are saying they’re too warm, I have to wear them. The texture is good. Unlike other footwear (*cough* canvas shoes *cough*) where the material really feels funny against my feet, they feel alright and they also look nice, so I wear them. I’m not a massive fan of the feel of my socks because they feel tight and itchy but they have nice designs and those designs make me wear them, and it’s hard to find nice-feeling socks that also have nice designs, because I have to have a nice design! Socks are also my exception to the greyscale rule. I can wear any colour of sock, as long as it’s a good design.

I wear clothing that is wildly inappropriate for the season. In summer, I had to wear leggings, and sometimes I’d get really hot and sweaty, but at least it fit in with my routine. And now, I have to wear the same coat I wore in the summer, which isn’t the thickest coat, so I get cold. But routine is always the most important thing to me.

Do you have any clothes that you won’t stop wearing, no matter what the season?
Lia

Awesome Blogger Award

I was nominated by MyMindSpeaksAloud

And now, here are the rules for the award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the Reader.
  • Answer the questions your nominator gave you.
  • Nominate at least five awesome bloggers.
  • Give your nominees ten new questions to answer.
  • Let your nominees know that they’ve been nominated.
  • If you could go back in time and change a memory without it influencing the present, what would you change and why?
    I would make it so that I stood up, just once, to the people who weren’t very nice.


  • If you could pick a person/pet to join your family who would you pick?
    I would pick MyMindSpeaksAloud because then I’d have someone in my family that actually shares my interests. 😉 Or I’d pick Amy Lee, because who doesn’t want to have the lead singer of an awesome band in your family?


  • What’s your favourite thing to do at night?
    Talk to my friends over in different countries. I’d really love to go to Finland or Germany one day. Hehe. 


  • What’s your most invaluable yet valuable possession? (something that is physically not worth much, but means a lot to you)
     Diego and Smiler. We got them both for free sooo… Diego was given to us by a friend and Smiler moved in to our home. Also, Smiler is old and silly, so that makes his worth about -£10 a week. He literally takes money from us. What is he doing here?
  • What weather do you hate the most? Now write a short creative piece – whatever words come to mind.
     I hate it when the sky opens its doors, and the clouds flee, and all that you see is the sky’s light bulb. Don’t get me wrong: a small dosage is nice, but it’s when the earth becomes cracked and the birds start to salivate. It’s when your lips don’t remember what moisture is, and it’s when your eyes could fall asleep just anywhere. It’s when you can’t hide inside because “it’s such a nice day!” but you want to. It’s when you’re forced into its direct path, and you have to endure it. Unlike with rain, or with wind, you can’t shelter from this. You have to go through it, whether you like it or not, until your heart slows, and your skin burns, but it’s Summer, so you better go enjoy it. 


  • What’s the most thought-provoking film you’ve watched?
    I quite found ‘Before I fall’ thought-provoking. Like, is that what’s going to happen to me when I die? I don’t want to die like that. 


  • What do you fear the most in the approaching months?
    I guess at the moment my mum’s surgery, but that should be okay, but she usually gets an infection afterwards which worries me so I hope it goes okay. 


  • What are you most proud of that you’ve accomplished within the last year?
    I completed my A-Levels, even though I was suffering with mental health issues whilst taking them. It was really hard and I had to stop going to college, but I still completed it and got a good grade.


  • If you could only call one person before you died, who would you call and what would you say?
    I would call my mum, because she always reassures me that stuff is going to be okay, even if it isn’t going to be.


  • Sit back from the computer for a second. What is your thought process? Write it down however crazy it may seem.
     Who is this person and why is she forcing me to sit back from my computer? Who does she think she is? I am not taking this anymore! Oh wait, I just sat back from my computer… This mind-controlling witch! :O

    Thanks for reading. I nominate all of my followers, and ask them the following questions:


    1. Define life.
    2. If you could be any fictional character, who would it be and why?
    3. Do you believe that there is life outside of Earth?
    4. If you were to be one of three surviving people on the Earth, everyone else was dead, and you could pick who the other two were, but they weren’t allowed to be related to you, who would they be?
    5. What job would you absolutely hate to have?
    6. Which insect has the most fun?
    7. If you were involved in a public robbery, would you be: a) the robber, b) the victim who did exactly as they said, or c) the hero who caught them.
    8. How would you react to one day waking up and discovering that your entire life was a dream?
    9. Have you ever been pranked/played a prank on someone? What happened, if so?
    10. Best-sounding musical instrument?

    Thanks for reading,
    Lia 🙂

20 Questions About Me Tag

Thanks to ANewChapter for nominating me. 🙂

Are you named after anyone?

I think I was named after Lia Williams. They liked the name so took it.

When was the last time you cried?

Some days ago. Sometimes I have these meltdowns over silly things, I have had a few recently haha.

Do you have kids?

Yes, they are called Diego, Pablo, and Smiler.

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

No, because hardly anyone wants to be friends with me, so I don’t think I would be any different. xD

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes but generally in the way that people will not be able to tell I’m using it so I can actually not like what they’re doing but pretend I do. So you will never know the truth… 😉

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Age, because you’re hardly going to not notice that a toddler and an elderly person are different ages.

What is your eye colour?

Blue.

Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy endings happen wayyy too often so they get kinda boring, but I don’t have anyone who likes watching scary movies with me so I can’t watch that either, but I want to. 😦

Do you have any special talents?

uhh I fail more than the average human, does that count? Hehe.

Do you have any pets?

Yes, I also mentioned them in the children part of this post. They are Diego, Pablo, and Smiler.

What is your dream career?

Writer/philosopher.

Who was your first best friend?

Her name was Holly, I went to her house quite often, we were close. Then she made a friend that she preferred so rip friendship. xD She’s now super popular.

How tall are you?

Last time I checked, I was 5’3.5 and I’ve pretty much stopped growing so I doubt I’ll get much more than that.

How many countries have you visited?

Wales (x1), France (x2), Portugal (x1), Spain (x1). I absolutely loved Portugal, except for the day when I got heat stroke and had an intense migraine; but it was still awesome. France was cool too, the time I was with my family especially. I’d love to return to either of them. I’ve never been outside of Europe though. It would be a really cool thing if one day I can leave it. Haha.

What was/is your favourite/worst subject in High School?

 My favourite was probably English. I just loved the subject. And I was also sat next to ANewChapter for most of it and that was fun. My least favourite subject was probably physics; not because I was bad at it, or because I didn’t like it that much — it was to do with the teacher! We had this lady from the Czech Republic who could not teach. My chemistry teacher kept telling us “but she has a physics degree!” — did she have a teaching degree, though? No. They were desperate for a teacher so they got her, I think. She could not teach at all. There were two pupils in our class who always misbehaved in every class so it was usual of them to, though one of them actually walked out in her class because she was such a bad teacher. After seeing those two pupils misbehave, she decided our entire class was awful, and refused to teach us anymore. We then got the same teacher as chemistry for the rest of the time. My chemistry teacher might have scared me a lot, but at least she could teach. She was very angry with our class though, and didn’t think to see it from our point of view. I actually ended up getting the higher grade in physics than biology or chemistry, in the second science GCSE. In the first science GCSE, I got a higher grade in biology. I was never good at chemistry, and never liked it either. Haha. Also, my biology teacher was kinda creepy…

What is your favourite perfume?

I don’t wear perfume. I hate it when people spray it publicly because usually it is quite strong and I end up coughing a lot. At least go do it in a toilet cubicle, so that I don’t die. Thanks.

What would you name your children?

Child A and Child B. Just kidding, I haven’t really thought about it. Nice names, though.

What sports do you play/have you played?

When I was really young, I was in a football club run by professional footballers. There was one other girl in the club; the rest were boys. I did like football for a while but then, when my confidence got knocked with bullying, I stopped doing it.

What phone do you currently use?

None. My phone is slow as heck so I stopped using it. I hope to get a new one by Christmas.

Tell us one of your bad habits!

I have a lot of bad habits. Automatically assuming the worst, procrastinating, being me, dahdah…

My nominations:

Everyone who follows me who hasn’t already done it. Go do it!

Imagine

Imagine you have no tongue. It was chopped off at birth, just like they pretended your soul was, except your soul was just hidden behind ladders and ramps and hills. So you have no tongue, and you try to ask what’s going on, why are you being attacked, why is your mother over there but you’re over here? But you can’t. You’re scared, very scared, but you can’t express this fear. Your eyes are the only way of showing it but nobody looks into those, they just look at the rest of you.
 The profit, as they call it.

 You just want to be with your mum, you just want this to be all over with, you just want to live. But, again, you have no tongue. Because you have no tongue, you become an object. An ‘it’, rather than a she or a he. You are just another ‘it’, among a thousand ‘it’s. You don’t want to be an ‘it’. You want to be an individual. You have your own mind but it doesn’t count, because you have no tongue.

Your days go by quickly, you can’t differentiate between them. You don’t look forward to anything, or look back to anything, except the first moments you saw your mother. You wish you could still be with her. But you can’t be, because you are here, and she isn’t. You are in the area where she once was, though, getting the treatment she once got. 

Being trampled by your friends because they have no choice, then being raped and forced to give up your baby, like she was, many times, then finally you are sent to the place where you will die. Some call it a slaughter house, you call it freedom, because death is better than the half-life you’ve been forced to live. Even if death is painful, which it often is, you still prefer it to before. 

 Nobody should have to want death. No one. Not even cows. 

 Whilst this post was about cows, it is also about all the other living beings still suffering. I don’t see how there is any justification for rape, just so we can get milk, which is intended for the babies, by the way. This is my way of thinking and I hope this post makes you think a bit about the industries you’re buying into. 

Lia

The Liebster Award

I’ve done this quite a few times before but, the fact is, it’s completely different every time, so I still do it. Thank you to ANewChapter for the nomination.

Rules:

  1. Acknowledge the blog that nominated you and display the award
  2. Give 11 random facts about yourself
  3. Nominate 11 blogs
  4. Notify them of the nomination
  5. Give 11 questions to the nominees

11 Random Facts

  1. I am one of two. I have an older brother and we’re really close in age; he’s twelve months and twenty-four days older than me. Before he had his thing where he got really tall and I stayed small (he’s a foot taller than me -_-), people thought we were twins! I also used to wear his hand-me-downs and got mistaken for a boy, before it was obvious I was a girl. He’s also very annoying, but at the end of the day, a good person. I love him, even if he is the smarter/more confident/funnier sibling. Haha.
  2. I got a B in my creative writing a-level. This is a new one. No one knows this, except my family and whoever they blabbered to. I had gotten an A in my AS but the exams weren’t as easy as the coursework, so I got a B overall. It’s fine though, I guess.
  3. I used to enter writing competitions a lot, and won a lot too. In my younger years (I sound so old), I was always entering competitions with my writing, and sometimes I’d end up winning, or coming second, or third. I didn’t always win, but it did help my confidence when I did win. I’ve been wondering about entering competitions recently, but then backed out. I guess I don’t have the strength I used to have.
  4. I cannot have the door wide open. My bedroom door has to be shut completely, and other doors have to be pushed ajar. I can’t have the door open; it makes me feel weird.
  5. I don’t drink out of glasses, except when I’m out. At home, I have to drink out of mugs. I think it’s easier to see the dirt in mugs, which is why, whereas with glasses, you don’t know what dirt could be lurking there… I have glasses when I’m out though, because I use a straw, and also because they’re fancy. xD
  6. There are currently penguins dangling above me. In an effort to make our house look nicer, so that we can sell it, my mum hung some penguins above me. I don’t really know how it affects the house, but eh.
  7. We’re trying to move house. We want to move to this nearby town called Lancing, and we want to buy a bungalow. Basically, we’re down-sizing, but my dad’s being really weird. He doesn’t seem to care if the rooms are too small, just as long as the decor is good, when he should be caring about the opposite. The decor can be changed, room sizes cannot.
  8. My nan has a tortoise, who I’m yet to meet. I think it’s really cool that she has a tortoise, and I really want to meet Flossy, the tortoise, but I haven’t had the opportunity yet!
  9. I’m a descendant of Dr. Livingstone, famous explorer. If you don’t know who he is, look him up. He has a massive Wikipedia page. Although I’m a descendant of him, I have never met my granddad, who would have more information on it, because he left the picture shortly after my mum was born. I’d like to know more about where I come from, but it’s cool to know that I’m a descendant of Dr. Livingstone!
  10. I get upset when people crush spiders. I hate unnatural deaths. People get confused by the fact that I’m alright with spiders webbing and eating flies, but that I’m sad if someone swats a fly. That’s because one is unnatural, and unnecessary, and the other is a means of survival. I just hate it when creatures die when they don’t have to.
  11. I’ve started watching Game Of Thrones. People have been onto me for a while about this, so some weeks ago, I started watching it. I’m on series three at the moment, a few episodes in. No spoilers, despite the fact they are literally all over the internet!

Questions From ANewChapter

  1. If you could learn any language, what would it be?
    To be honest, it would be German, because I’ve always wanted to become fluent in it. Mostly due to my heritage from my dad’s side. I just wanna experience a culture from where I sorta came! Also, I love the Germans in the modern age. Their culture is wonderful!
  2. Imagine you won the lottery and won £1000 (or equivalent), what would you do with that money?
    Only £1000? Geez, I entered the lottery to win a million! xD No, it’s a great amount. I would most likely, in my current situation, save it until we moved house and use it to do up the new house, so that my parents wouldn’t need to put so much money into renovation. Our renovation may cost more than a grand, but it’s a nice bit less for them to put into it.
  3. Would you say you’re introverted or extroverted?
    Introverted. I mean, unless you count spending all my time in my room, never socialising, being pretty damn depressed, but having no friends to hang with, as extroverted… I sound so cynical today.
  4. What do you think is your biggest strength?
    My morals, actually. So many people know the truth, but they love meat/dairy too much to give it up. I’m just saying that I think it’s quite a big decision to be able to say no to all that, but I managed to do it, because I care so much about those other creatures. I wish other people had my eyes, but they don’t.
  5. If you were the President for a day, what would you do?
    Thank the world that Trump is no longer president! I would also make the US more like Canada (i.e. get dairy out of the nutrition guidelines, and cut down on dairy farming) because Canada is great.
  6. If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
    Interesting question! Who would I be? Perhaps Dory, from Finding Nemo, because forgetting most stuff is quite a refreshing change to remembering every little thing, and going over it again and again.
  7. What makes you calm after a difficult day?
    Not much, to be honest. My anxiety can ponder over the day for hours. But, sometimes, writing a poem helps.
  8. Tea or coffee?
    Neither. But coffee smells nicer, generally. I’ve never drunken either though; I prefer soft, cold drinks.
  9. What is your favourite colour and why?
    Purple because it’s purple and purple is nice… because purple.
  10. Do you believe in superstitions?
    Actually, the whole black cat is unlucky thing, is so untrue. It’s the opposite, in fact. I used to have a black cat, Gromit, and he was the most lucky thing I ever had. But I believe the superstition might have been wrong; that black cats were lucky instead, because even after he died, I sensed that he was around, protecting me from unlucky situations. So, maybe, in a sense, I do, but I think they’re all Chinese whispers. Maybe you should try walking under a ladder! It might just bring you luck.
  11. What do you think happiness means?
    To me, happiness is about making others happy. Doing as they want, and making them smile. I don’t really know what it means for me, because I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy, but that’s alright. I just want others to be happy.

Nominations:

I’m really bad at thinking of who to nominate, so I nominate whoever wants to do this… I just nominate all of you!

Questions:
1. What type of party is your favourite?
2.  If you were forced to walk in the shoes of your worst nightmare for a day, what would you do?
3. Happiest time in your life?
4. Which wild animal would you be?
5. How do you do your hair?
6. Best holiday you’ve ever been on?
7. Any odd talents/quirks?
8. Anything you really want to know, but have never found the answer to?
9. Favourite fruit?
10. Are there any metaphors that you find special?
11. Are cats the rightful heir to the throne?

Thanks for reading,

Lia

 

 

 

Mistakes

We all make mistakes in life, don’t we? I can’t stop thinking about a single mistake I made many years ago, and the fact that I wasn’t allowed to redeem myself.
I had some friends, nice friends nearby, for the first time in forever, but I also have pretty bad social anxiety so this time, so long ago, I was having one of my ‘social anxiety meltdowns’. I was saying that everyone hates me; I don’t do this often, but I do it sometimes when I feel like a friendship is getting too good to be true. I only ever do it once, usually, and then after that, I never do it again. I just need to have a meltdown, sometimes.
So these friends, who I met up with once a week, and sometimes did more with; I had one of these meltdowns, and my whole life got destroyed. I tried apologising to one of them the following day but he didn’t understand at all. He was saying “I can’t be friends with you if you’re gonna be like this” despite the fact I’d never done this before. So, I ruined my friendship with him, and then I couldn’t say anything to the others because I would likely get the same outcome, so I stopped going to the thing, and I just became more antisocial than ever. I didn’t go to college either, everything stopped.
It hasn’t restarted.
This incident triggered such a big nothingness for me and I don’t think I can ever get friends that can meet up regularly because I’ll ruin it again. I miss being their friend but two of them I don’t talk to anymore at all and one I have to message first to get a response, which I hate doing.

I feel so lonely but I can’t have friends because I’ll destroy the friendship. And who would want to be friends with me, anyway? Who would even understand me? I’m not worth understanding.

when?

when does the time come
for me to rot into compost
and grow as a tree?
when does the time come
for you to wash your face
and your sins?
when does the time come
for my headache to leave
and yours to return?
when?
now, tomorrow, forever?
when?

Becoming an Adult

The day we become an adult is not the day we turn eighteen, but the day we get our last exam result, and then think “well – now what?” Most of my friends are going to university (some going to extremely high-ranked ones) so they have a little bit of a layout for their life (not much, but at least enough for the next few years) and some even know where they intend to go with their life. They have it all planned out.

But not everybody does. Not everybody knows where their life is going to lead them.

One of the most stressful questions to hear, as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, is “what are you going to do now?” They mean well but it makes me think about the future and where I’m going and where I’m not going and what’s happening and what’s not happening and — you get the picture. It’s terrifying.

I got good results, results I was happy with, but I happen to be friends with geniuses, which often makes me feel like less of a person too, even though they’re wonderful and I’m happy for them. I just happened to pick up smart friends. I guess I must be the dumb friend, to them, if you think about it. So I’m worried about my results too.

I worry about whether my life has a direction but I don’t want it to, yet I do, all at once. I want to study a degree but I don’t, all at once. I don’t want to be a drifter, I want to be a sailor! But I can’t be. I will never be a sailor, no matter how hard I try to control my ship; it will crash and I will drift on one piece of wood left.

I want to become something, but I don’t.

I’m never going to be what people expect me to be, or rather, what they want me to be. I’m not going to be what I want to be either. Because I will never be strong enough to sail. I just won’t be.

Lia