Imagine

Imagine you have no tongue. It was chopped off at birth, just like they pretended your soul was, except your soul was just hidden behind ladders and ramps and hills. So you have no tongue, and you try to ask what’s going on, why are you being attacked, why is your mother over there but you’re over here? But you can’t. You’re scared, very scared, but you can’t express this fear. Your eyes are the only way of showing it but nobody looks into those, they just look at the rest of you.
 The profit, as they call it.

 You just want to be with your mum, you just want this to be all over with, you just want to live. But, again, you have no tongue. Because you have no tongue, you become an object. An ‘it’, rather than a she or a he. You are just another ‘it’, among a thousand ‘it’s. You don’t want to be an ‘it’. You want to be an individual. You have your own mind but it doesn’t count, because you have no tongue.

Your days go by quickly, you can’t differentiate between them. You don’t look forward to anything, or look back to anything, except the first moments you saw your mother. You wish you could still be with her. But you can’t be, because you are here, and she isn’t. You are in the area where she once was, though, getting the treatment she once got. 

Being trampled by your friends because they have no choice, then being raped and forced to give up your baby, like she was, many times, then finally you are sent to the place where you will die. Some call it a slaughter house, you call it freedom, because death is better than the half-life you’ve been forced to live. Even if death is painful, which it often is, you still prefer it to before. 

 Nobody should have to want death. No one. Not even cows. 

 Whilst this post was about cows, it is also about all the other living beings still suffering. I don’t see how there is any justification for rape, just so we can get milk, which is intended for the babies, by the way. This is my way of thinking and I hope this post makes you think a bit about the industries you’re buying into. 

Lia

The Liebster Award

I’ve done this quite a few times before but, the fact is, it’s completely different every time, so I still do it. Thank you to ANewChapter for the nomination.

Rules:

  1. Acknowledge the blog that nominated you and display the award
  2. Give 11 random facts about yourself
  3. Nominate 11 blogs
  4. Notify them of the nomination
  5. Give 11 questions to the nominees

11 Random Facts

  1. I am one of two. I have an older brother and we’re really close in age; he’s twelve months and twenty-four days older than me. Before he had his thing where he got really tall and I stayed small (he’s a foot taller than me -_-), people thought we were twins! I also used to wear his hand-me-downs and got mistaken for a boy, before it was obvious I was a girl. He’s also very annoying, but at the end of the day, a good person. I love him, even if he is the smarter/more confident/funnier sibling. Haha.
  2. I got a B in my creative writing a-level. This is a new one. No one knows this, except my family and whoever they blabbered to. I had gotten an A in my AS but the exams weren’t as easy as the coursework, so I got a B overall. It’s fine though, I guess.
  3. I used to enter writing competitions a lot, and won a lot too. In my younger years (I sound so old), I was always entering competitions with my writing, and sometimes I’d end up winning, or coming second, or third. I didn’t always win, but it did help my confidence when I did win. I’ve been wondering about entering competitions recently, but then backed out. I guess I don’t have the strength I used to have.
  4. I cannot have the door wide open. My bedroom door has to be shut completely, and other doors have to be pushed ajar. I can’t have the door open; it makes me feel weird.
  5. I don’t drink out of glasses, except when I’m out. At home, I have to drink out of mugs. I think it’s easier to see the dirt in mugs, which is why, whereas with glasses, you don’t know what dirt could be lurking there… I have glasses when I’m out though, because I use a straw, and also because they’re fancy. xD
  6. There are currently penguins dangling above me. In an effort to make our house look nicer, so that we can sell it, my mum hung some penguins above me. I don’t really know how it affects the house, but eh.
  7. We’re trying to move house. We want to move to this nearby town called Lancing, and we want to buy a bungalow. Basically, we’re down-sizing, but my dad’s being really weird. He doesn’t seem to care if the rooms are too small, just as long as the decor is good, when he should be caring about the opposite. The decor can be changed, room sizes cannot.
  8. My nan has a tortoise, who I’m yet to meet. I think it’s really cool that she has a tortoise, and I really want to meet Flossy, the tortoise, but I haven’t had the opportunity yet!
  9. I’m a descendant of Dr. Livingstone, famous explorer. If you don’t know who he is, look him up. He has a massive Wikipedia page. Although I’m a descendant of him, I have never met my granddad, who would have more information on it, because he left the picture shortly after my mum was born. I’d like to know more about where I come from, but it’s cool to know that I’m a descendant of Dr. Livingstone!
  10. I get upset when people crush spiders. I hate unnatural deaths. People get confused by the fact that I’m alright with spiders webbing and eating flies, but that I’m sad if someone swats a fly. That’s because one is unnatural, and unnecessary, and the other is a means of survival. I just hate it when creatures die when they don’t have to.
  11. I’ve started watching Game Of Thrones. People have been onto me for a while about this, so some weeks ago, I started watching it. I’m on series three at the moment, a few episodes in. No spoilers, despite the fact they are literally all over the internet!

Questions From ANewChapter

  1. If you could learn any language, what would it be?
    To be honest, it would be German, because I’ve always wanted to become fluent in it. Mostly due to my heritage from my dad’s side. I just wanna experience a culture from where I sorta came! Also, I love the Germans in the modern age. Their culture is wonderful!
  2. Imagine you won the lottery and won £1000 (or equivalent), what would you do with that money?
    Only £1000? Geez, I entered the lottery to win a million! xD No, it’s a great amount. I would most likely, in my current situation, save it until we moved house and use it to do up the new house, so that my parents wouldn’t need to put so much money into renovation. Our renovation may cost more than a grand, but it’s a nice bit less for them to put into it.
  3. Would you say you’re introverted or extroverted?
    Introverted. I mean, unless you count spending all my time in my room, never socialising, being pretty damn depressed, but having no friends to hang with, as extroverted… I sound so cynical today.
  4. What do you think is your biggest strength?
    My morals, actually. So many people know the truth, but they love meat/dairy too much to give it up. I’m just saying that I think it’s quite a big decision to be able to say no to all that, but I managed to do it, because I care so much about those other creatures. I wish other people had my eyes, but they don’t.
  5. If you were the President for a day, what would you do?
    Thank the world that Trump is no longer president! I would also make the US more like Canada (i.e. get dairy out of the nutrition guidelines, and cut down on dairy farming) because Canada is great.
  6. If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
    Interesting question! Who would I be? Perhaps Dory, from Finding Nemo, because forgetting most stuff is quite a refreshing change to remembering every little thing, and going over it again and again.
  7. What makes you calm after a difficult day?
    Not much, to be honest. My anxiety can ponder over the day for hours. But, sometimes, writing a poem helps.
  8. Tea or coffee?
    Neither. But coffee smells nicer, generally. I’ve never drunken either though; I prefer soft, cold drinks.
  9. What is your favourite colour and why?
    Purple because it’s purple and purple is nice… because purple.
  10. Do you believe in superstitions?
    Actually, the whole black cat is unlucky thing, is so untrue. It’s the opposite, in fact. I used to have a black cat, Gromit, and he was the most lucky thing I ever had. But I believe the superstition might have been wrong; that black cats were lucky instead, because even after he died, I sensed that he was around, protecting me from unlucky situations. So, maybe, in a sense, I do, but I think they’re all Chinese whispers. Maybe you should try walking under a ladder! It might just bring you luck.
  11. What do you think happiness means?
    To me, happiness is about making others happy. Doing as they want, and making them smile. I don’t really know what it means for me, because I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy, but that’s alright. I just want others to be happy.

Nominations:

I’m really bad at thinking of who to nominate, so I nominate whoever wants to do this… I just nominate all of you!

Questions:
1. What type of party is your favourite?
2.  If you were forced to walk in the shoes of your worst nightmare for a day, what would you do?
3. Happiest time in your life?
4. Which wild animal would you be?
5. How do you do your hair?
6. Best holiday you’ve ever been on?
7. Any odd talents/quirks?
8. Anything you really want to know, but have never found the answer to?
9. Favourite fruit?
10. Are there any metaphors that you find special?
11. Are cats the rightful heir to the throne?

Thanks for reading,

Lia

 

 

 

Mistakes

We all make mistakes in life, don’t we? I can’t stop thinking about a single mistake I made many years ago, and the fact that I wasn’t allowed to redeem myself.
I had some friends, nice friends nearby, for the first time in forever, but I also have pretty bad social anxiety so this time, so long ago, I was having one of my ‘social anxiety meltdowns’. I was saying that everyone hates me; I don’t do this often, but I do it sometimes when I feel like a friendship is getting too good to be true. I only ever do it once, usually, and then after that, I never do it again. I just need to have a meltdown, sometimes.
So these friends, who I met up with once a week, and sometimes did more with; I had one of these meltdowns, and my whole life got destroyed. I tried apologising to one of them the following day but he didn’t understand at all. He was saying “I can’t be friends with you if you’re gonna be like this” despite the fact I’d never done this before. So, I ruined my friendship with him, and then I couldn’t say anything to the others because I would likely get the same outcome, so I stopped going to the thing, and I just became more antisocial than ever. I didn’t go to college either, everything stopped.
It hasn’t restarted.
This incident triggered such a big nothingness for me and I don’t think I can ever get friends that can meet up regularly because I’ll ruin it again. I miss being their friend but two of them I don’t talk to anymore at all and one I have to message first to get a response, which I hate doing.

I feel so lonely but I can’t have friends because I’ll destroy the friendship. And who would want to be friends with me, anyway? Who would even understand me? I’m not worth understanding.

when?

when does the time come
for me to rot into compost
and grow as a tree?
when does the time come
for you to wash your face
and your sins?
when does the time come
for my headache to leave
and yours to return?
when?
now, tomorrow, forever?
when?

Becoming an Adult

The day we become an adult is not the day we turn eighteen, but the day we get our last exam result, and then think “well – now what?” Most of my friends are going to university (some going to extremely high-ranked ones) so they have a little bit of a layout for their life (not much, but at least enough for the next few years) and some even know where they intend to go with their life. They have it all planned out.

But not everybody does. Not everybody knows where their life is going to lead them.

One of the most stressful questions to hear, as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, is “what are you going to do now?” They mean well but it makes me think about the future and where I’m going and where I’m not going and what’s happening and what’s not happening and — you get the picture. It’s terrifying.

I got good results, results I was happy with, but I happen to be friends with geniuses, which often makes me feel like less of a person too, even though they’re wonderful and I’m happy for them. I just happened to pick up smart friends. I guess I must be the dumb friend, to them, if you think about it. So I’m worried about my results too.

I worry about whether my life has a direction but I don’t want it to, yet I do, all at once. I want to study a degree but I don’t, all at once. I don’t want to be a drifter, I want to be a sailor! But I can’t be. I will never be a sailor, no matter how hard I try to control my ship; it will crash and I will drift on one piece of wood left.

I want to become something, but I don’t.

I’m never going to be what people expect me to be, or rather, what they want me to be. I’m not going to be what I want to be either. Because I will never be strong enough to sail. I just won’t be.

Lia

Real Net Blogger Award

Thanks so much to ANewChapter for the nomination!

RULES

Thank the person who nominated you
Answer the questions set by them
Nominate 7 more people
Set them 7 questions to answer

 

Questions to Me

If you were a colour, which colour would be and why?
 
I think I would be purple; not just because it’s my favourite colour, but because there’s not many things you think of that are purple. There are some things (lavender and violets) but they are in a different shade; what can you think of that is really purple? Because there is hardly anything to compare the colour to, it means that it can be whatever your mind plays up. It is different and set out from the other colours — most of which have boxes that they fit into, but purple doesn’t. It doesn’t fit into a box; it does its own thing, and I like that about it.

Imagine you can time travel, would go to the future or to the past?

That’s a hard one. Going to the past would be fun because I could tell people the future and then they’d be amazed when it happened. I could also win the lottery. But going to the future would also be interesting, as I’d be able to see whether humanity ever redeems itself or whether we destroy ourselves. A bit dark, but it’d be interesting to see. I think I’d rather go to the past as I’m not exploring unknown territory; therefore, I can fit in quite easily, whereas if I go into the future, I might come off a bit weird.

Which song best describes you/your emotions?

Right now, I’m thinking Numb by Linking Park. The lyrics are about pressure from someone and becoming numb to what they are subjected to; and everything is a mistake to this other person. I feel this way a lot, like to someone in my life, everything I do is a mistake. I try to please him but I can’t because his expectations are beyond reality. I’ve gotten used to it so I guess I’m numb now. And, as the lyrics say, I would rather be more like me and less like him. I would rather be who I want to be, but I don’t think I can be.

If you could have any eye colour, what would you choose?

Any eye colour? Although I love having blue eyes, I would quite like to have Elizabeth Taylor-esque eyes; violet. They’re so beautiful yet gentle. I think they’d be really nice to have.

Would you rather read people’s minds or be invisible?

I already am invisible (hahaha) so I think definitely reading people’s minds. I would love to know exactly what someone thought of me, because so many people are polite and not knowing what people think of me triggers my anxiety. To know would be to accept.

If you could have dinner with any TV show/book/film character, who would it be?

I don’t really know. Uhhh… Helena from Orphan Black! Because she loves food so would just wolf it down and then she’d call me her sistra and we’d just be cool friends and she’d kill people for me.

Did a historical event happen on your birthday? (doesn’t have to be the year you were born)

I just looked it up and a lot of sad stuff happened on that day. But I’m only going to be talking about positive stuff! 27 May 1943, the ballpoint pen was patented!! Isn’t that cool? 27 May 1937, The Golden Gate Bridge is opened to pedestrian traffic and more than 200,000 pedestrians walked across it! 27 May 1950, Frank Sinatra makes his TV debut on NBC’s “star-spangled review”. A lot of bad stuff happened too but let’s just think of the good stuff!

My Nominees:

I’m really bad at nominating people, especially when they’ve already been nominated, so apologies if you’ve already been nominated (which you probably have been) but I just need to nominate someone, and new questions!

Thewalkofthoughts
ofchocolateandlemons
littlelifeofrachel
mymindspeaksaloud
mintyfreshie
wondrousnightrambler

These are only some nominees, not quite seven, that I just stumbled upon when looking through things but anyone else can do it too!

My Questions

Has anyone ever inspired you to change your life?
Do you believe in superstitions? (If so, which ones?)
Antique or modern?
Paintbrush, pen, or microphone? Which would you pick, and why?
Which of the seven sins best describes you?
If you were told that the world is going to end in a week, what would you do?
Strangest thing that has ever happened to you?

Lia

Vegan Frozen/Fridge Foods

I thought I would do a post outlining different brands that do vegan frozen and fridge foods and which foods are good and which aren’t so good.

I’ve picked five brands which are quite popular food brands. Some are awful and some are amazing.

VBites

I thought I would get the awful over with first. A lot of new vegans are surprised by how ‘real’ this tastes but from the first bite I ever had of their stuff, I was disgusted, if I’m being honest. Quite a few vegans agree with me. Their restaurant is really good though — you should totally go there, but just don’t buy their frozen stuff, unless you like that taste, which would surprise me.

It was founded by Heather Mills, a well-known vegan, after marrying Paul Mccartney (and then divorcing him). I’m not really a fan of her as a person but I’m always a fan of fellow vegans so I thought I’d test it out. It was actually one of the first brands I tested out after becoming vegan. I thought that was what I’d have to get used to for the rest of my life.

The Cheatin’ range sounds like it’s going to be a good alternative to meat, but it is anything but. The slices are awful. 2/10 at best. The other items by Vbites are also as terrible; the meat style isn’t in the style of meat at all, but rather like something else entirely wearing a face mask of meat. And don’t get me started on Cheezly… the first vegan cheeze I ever tried, and I felt sick.

The worst vegan brand out there, in my opinion. Some people do like them but I am not one of them.

Overall, I give them a 2/10, for trying.

Linda McCartney 

Another one of Paul McCartney’s wives, though sadly deceased. Unlike VBites, they aren’t exclusively vegan, but they do quite a few vegan products. Their sausage rolls are lovely, I have to say, but their sausages aren’t quite as good. You can tell that they’re fake, but they are acceptable, and in gravy they are wonderful. Just, not without gravy, in my opinion.

The other day I received wonderful news that a few more vegan dishes are going to be added in the next few weeks, and that really makes me happy. They are supposed to be festive so we can taste them out in time for Christmas. Linda McCartney isn’t a brand I would have everyday, as they aren’t the best ever, but they’re decent, and sometimes that’s all you need.

I give them a 6/10, for sometimes being nice.

Quorn

For a long time, I couldn’t have any Quorn, as none of their stuff was vegan, but when I heard of the addition of a vegan range, eventually, it made me really happy as I had enjoyed their stuff when I was vegetarian.

However, their vegan stuff is generally dry, unflavoursome, and plastic-like. I am not a fan. My mum even tried seasoning up their fillet-styles with some garlic and mushrooms but it didn’t change anything, and garlic is a really strong herb! Their vegan pieces are also not very nice and I am really not a fan of their vegan stuff. Don’t even get me started on the fishless fingers…

Quorn is slightly better than VBites, in that I don’t generally feel sick when having their stuff, so I give them 3/10.

Fry’s

Like VBites, this brand is exclusively vegan, except their food is a little nicer. Their chicken-style burgers are actually one of my favourite burgers to have, as they do taste quite nice. However, not all of their food is that nice. For a while, I was a fan of their chicken-style nuggets, but recently I’ve noticed how plain they are and I’ve gone off of them. Their prawn-style pieces don’t taste a thing like prawn but they are better than the chicken-style nuggets at tasting like chicken! I have them when I want a chicken alternative, not a prawn alternative.

As well as this, their mushroom pies were a favourite of mine for a while. I have also recently gone off of this. I suppose they’re a brand that are good for short-term but you might go off them if you’re into long-term food! My mum actually once mistook curry pies for mushroom pies and I’ve never been a fan of curry pies but I had to have it anyway and I really did not like it, but that’s probably due to my taste.

Fry’s gets a 7/10.

Amy’s

Amy’s is the one on this list where I haven’t tried any of their meat-free ‘meat’ (burgers, in this case). They’re a vegetarian brand, with some vegan products, but gosh, the vegan products that they do are great!

The worst thing I’ve had of theirs is chinese noodles, which is pretty good. Not the best, but decent. I recently had their vegan lasagna for the first time. It was spicy, which I found odd, because no lasagnas I have ever tasted before were spicy. I think it was nice though, but their wasn’t enough cheeze. They should have done more, in my opinion. Next time, I’ll be adding some of my own!

Let me get onto the single-greatest vegan frozen meal I have ever tasted though: their vegan mac n cheeze. I used to have it all the time, until the freezers broke at the place I used to get it from. I was devastated and nowhere else near me did it. Everywhere sold Amy’s, but not the dish I wanted. Recently, I learnt that Ocado did it, and specifically made an order (their minimum requirements are £40) just so I could have it again. I went to lengths so extreme, because it is love.

They say distance makes the heart fonder, and it certainly did for me and this macaroni cheeze. It was just as beautiful as I remembered it, with a cheezy taste so wonderful that it could be compared with non-vegan macaroni cheeses. That macaroni cheeze is a 9/10, would be a 10 if they put it in every shop ever!

Overall, Amy’s is an 8/10, and I think the mac n cheeze brings it up a lot. If you ever want to go vegan, the first food I recommend you try is that.

If you are considering going vegan, Amy’s and Fry’s are good starting points. Linda McCartney is also nice, but I would think about staying clear of Quorn and VBites. But everyone has their own taste. 

Lia

What Dictates Us?

From a young age, our minds are programmed.

  When I was young, I was once rude about another girl (who was actually my friend) because she didn’t come into school often; this was because I had been programmed to think that good attendance would reward you, and bad attendance would not. I did not think about how it would make her feel or why she might not be in very much. I guess I was just upset about her not being in much. She didn’t mind though; she was that kind of person. But the thing is: schools reward pupils for perfect attendance, 100% — you have to be perfect, perfect, perfect, or perhaps just lucky.

It doesn’t mean you’re better than someone else if you go in every day, though schools decide that you are. There are children who are sickly, there are those who suffer emotional problems too, there are those who are grieving and perhaps need a nice trip out to distract them, but they will not get it, because only those with perfect attendance earn a treat. We think this is fine, but it is not. Without understanding why the pupils don’t go in, they are punished. That will have an impact on the way they feel about themselves, and perhaps make them feel even more isolated.

There are other things too that are programmed into us when we are young: I never once played rugby when I was at school. Although, I guess I’m grateful, I think I should have been made to, like the boys were. Many of the boys didn’t want to but they had to, and some of the girls wanted to but weren’t allowed, because it wasn’t a ‘girl’s sport’. These little things, they all change our mind, from the pure thing it was when we were born, to something very confused.

Where do we stand in the world? What is our worth? Who are we? What dictates us?

Children and young people with mental health conditions is on the rise, and it’s because of the way society breaks us. It confuses us with so many different things, one thing says this is acceptable, yet another says this — we become so overwhelmed by all of society’s rules that we can’t deal with them, and then we end up as ants, carrying several times our body weight, before eventually being crushed.

What do you think? Are our minds really our own?

Lia

Small Things

The other day I was out with my parents and we were having lunch, as well as complaining about the fact we were told there were no straws but people who arrived after us were drinking with straws. The thing is, I kinda have to drink out of a straw, for some reason, so it affects me quite a lot.

Then, a man who did not know us at all, got up and went inside. We didn’t think anything of it but a few minutes later he returned with a straw and gave it to me. I smiled a lot after that. It wasn’t the fact that he’d gotten me a straw, though that was nice, it was that a complete stranger would do something like that for me, a stranger to him. 

Small things really matter and the fact that this man did this for me really made my day. He was with his wife and son, yet helped out me. Sometimes, if you do a little action, it can really affect someone in a positive way. Try it. It might just make someone smile.

Theories

I was chatting with MyMindSpeaksAloud the other day, telling her interesting facts about the Tower of London. [It used to hold animals and you could either pay two pennies or feed your pets to the lions to get in.]  She responded by telling me that people say ‘bless you’ when you sneeze because a long time ago, there was the believe that devils enter through your mouth.
I was considering this more so than I have ever done so in the past. I have heard this said before but it was this time that I decided to consider it more closely, because I was talking with someone quite like-minded.
What if, when our noses are blocked, it is our bodies blocking the devils from entering? And what if, when we below our noses, we are ejecting them. That is what I started thinking, and that devils enter through our noses, not our mouths.
As a writer, having an open mind to all theories is quite important to getting good story ideas. But it made me wonder. Are the people who sneeze more often also more inclined to evil visiting them? They might eject more evil, but it also means they have more residential evil living inside of them.
These are all concepts which seem alien to us but maybe that’s because creatures alien to us are living inside us, forcing us to think in a set way. Remember, next time you sneeze, it’s probably a devil. Blow your nose with a tissue, then throw it down the toilet.
This is all theoretical because I think a lot but consider it’s true: how much evil does your body contain?