Theories

I was chatting with MyMindSpeaksAloud the other day, telling her interesting facts about the Tower of London. [It used to hold animals and you could either pay two pennies or feed your pets to the lions to get in.]  She responded by telling me that people say ‘bless you’ when you sneeze because a long time ago, there was the believe that devils enter through your mouth.
I was considering this more so than I have ever done so in the past. I have heard this said before but it was this time that I decided to consider it more closely, because I was talking with someone quite like-minded.
What if, when our noses are blocked, it is our bodies blocking the devils from entering? And what if, when we below our noses, we are ejecting them. That is what I started thinking, and that devils enter through our noses, not our mouths.
As a writer, having an open mind to all theories is quite important to getting good story ideas. But it made me wonder. Are the people who sneeze more often also more inclined to evil visiting them? They might eject more evil, but it also means they have more residential evil living inside of them.
These are all concepts which seem alien to us but maybe that’s because creatures alien to us are living inside us, forcing us to think in a set way. Remember, next time you sneeze, it’s probably a devil. Blow your nose with a tissue, then throw it down the toilet.
This is all theoretical because I think a lot but consider it’s true: how much evil does your body contain?

My mind

I have a mind that nobody but me understands. That can be pretty painful at times because you try to get people to connect and they can’t. It’s also special though because it gives you a place that nobody will ever be able to walk into. No matter where you are, what you’re doing, nobody can get there. 
My mind is the most dangerous place in the universe though. It holds more threat that anything else. It has the power to do anything. It holds the knives that can stab us or other people, it holds the bombs that can light up an entire stadium with fear, it holds the rope that ties us to it. We can never escape our mind. It will always be there.

I sometimes feel like my mind is so conflicted that I would be better off if I did escape it, but then I realise that it holds memories I never want to leave, as well as ones I would tear apart if I had the chance, and I feel even more conflicted. 

Mental health is the cancer of the mind; it destroys hopes, dreams, possibilities. It becomes something so infectious that soon your entire body suffers. You might snack unnecessarily, or not eat at all; I get so conflicted sometimes that I do both. One day I snack so much, other times I don’t want to eat. You might sleep too much, or not at all. Again, I do both. Some nights I don’t sleep, though these are rarer than the nights I do, but during the day I nap. A lot. I get exhausted from everything. Sometimes my body just won’t work. You might have problems internally as well, such as IBS, which has no known cure. It’s horrible. You might seem fine, heathy, but you know that your body is responding. It’s sending you signals. All these health problems are connected. 

Our mind is the most lonely place, yet it is also the most free. You can be yourself there, but sometimes that can be terrifying. When I’m myself, I feel like I have nobody in the world. I suppose I don’t, not anyone that can truly enter my mind. My family are so wonderful but they don’t have my mind, or even a similar one. Some friends are similar, but I don’t want to bother them, when they have their own demons. And they’re too far away; or too hard to contact; or too busy, through no fault of their own, to really talk to. I suppose I am alone in this world and my mind is a cage.

But don’t worry: there is a key. It’s just on the other side.

Connections

I’ve been thinking about how everyone is connected. I am connected to so many people through other people and it’s kinda disturbing. It’s connections that cause rumours and gossip. My mum has had that situation going and I am tangled in the same string as her. Fully grown adults have been making her feel bad recently, and it’s all through connections. I’m worried that one day the same thing might happen to me; I might end up being caught in a net that I can’t swim out of. A net of people I used to know who remember me but don’t want to because their past is their past.

It’s interesting, isn’t it? I’ve worked out that even people closest to me can be lead down a completely different web and still end up connected to me. Everyone is, in someway, connected to me.

The most worrying but also the most fascinating thing is knowing that I am connected to people the other side of the world. If not because my mum’s best friend emigrated there, then because of some other connection. There are millions.

We are all connected.

A Letter to a Friend

Dear Queen, as I’m going to call you in this letter,

I know you’re struggling right now, which is why you’re distant and barely reachable. I know you don’t have any plans. I know you feel like nothing interests you at the moment. I know you feel low and stressed. I know you’re scared. I want you to know that you are not the only one who doesn’t know what to become.

You’re the smartest girl I know, and I always wondered why you’d cry before exams when you always aced them. But I know why: you were stressed and you put so much pressure on yourself to do well that it all got too much.  You might be doubting yourself but I don’t doubt you.

I, too, am afraid of the future. I, too, struggle to find my ambition. I’m not going to university next year either. If you want to talk to anyone about this, talk to me, because I know what you’re going through. I know what it feels like to not have any clear goals. Of course, there is my writing, but realistically speaking, that’s going to be nearly impossible to accomplish.

I know you don’t talk to me as much recently, and I know you haven’t really been saying much to other people, but it’s important you remember that we all love you and we all care. You are so beautiful and fantastic and I’m so proud that you’re my friend.

Please, text me, or email me, or meet up with me sometime — you are appreciated. You are. I understand how troubling it can be thinking about your future; I’m in the same boat and sometimes I cry about it. But at least I have my writing to let my feelings loose. You really need someone to talk to, I think, though you’re scared to admit it. You’re awesome, Queen, and whilst you’re still going to doubt that, remember that no one else does.

Yours truly,

Lia

Sexism

I’ve been thinking recently about sexism and, whilst it is true that we have come a long way, it is still far from over. When I was just a baby (and not old enough for my gender to be noticeable), my mum would dress me up in my brother’s old clothing, which was mostly blue. That’s fine and it saves a lot of money — until one day a woman said “doesn’t he look lovely?” to her. Because blue is associated with being a boy, she automatically assumed I was a boy. From that day forward, my mum dressed me in pink, because that was the colour my gender was associated with.

I don’t know why genders have to be associated with colours at all, to be quite honest. Boys wear pink and girls wear blue. Does that mean the boy is a girl and the girl is a boy? Of course not! Because my mum so heavily dressed me in pink, I actually grew to resent the colour, and became a tomboy aged around seven. I think my mum was fine with my choice of clothing then, though, because I was easily identifiable as a girl. I’m alright with pink now; it isn’t my favourite colour but I don’t loathe it anymore.

I haven’t really talked at all about this in my blogs because it is an issue very sensitive to me and it has made me upset to even think about it, or talk about it, which was why I refused counselling for it, but when I was twelve, I was sexually assaulted. The police got involved, which was very scary for me (I was twelve!), and I thought I was in trouble. The guy who did it never got found… mainly because I was so scared at the time. He had told me it was my fault, convinced me that I was a bad person. I left my school at the time a few months after that incident. I had been getting bullied for a long time but this was the last straw, I suppose, and then I went to a much better school. It still had bullies but I had friends too and that made it easier to ignore, plus there weren’t as many as there had been at my old school.

Girls are told to never go alone in the dark. Boys aren’t. Whilst boys are still at risk, the risk is greatly reduced, just because they’re a boy. Why are girls subjected to this? Why, because I’m a girl, do I have to be assessed based on how I look? When I was at that school, a boy once said (to the girl sitting next to me) “you’re much hotter than her” (which was directed at me). Being honest, I do care about my looks, but that is only because society has told me it is an important feature. So I have a phobia of mirrors. I am so scared of how I look that I haven’t been able to properly look in a mirror for several years. An accidental glance is the most I’ve gotten.

Society has done this to me. Society created anorexia, by putting huge demands on girls to be skinny, when being healthy is the best option. I have a cousin who I care for so much and she has been going through this for so many years and it is horrible to see her suffer. She gets better sometimes but then she gets bad again and it is so terrible to see her doing this to herself. She’s an amazing person, inspirational really, but the one person that she really needs to help is herself.

Feminism is so often depicted as about women being better than men but that is so not the case. It is about equality. It is about school policies restricting girls from wearing certain clothing because it ‘would distract the boys’. Maybe, instead of restricting us, you should start teaching boys how to treat a lady and that our bodies are not entertainment. Our bodies are our bodies: not yours.

There are nice guys out there too and it is terrible that there are some men that disappoint the rest of them but girls have learned to accept this, and it shouldn’t be accepted. Lower pay, clothing restrictions, sexual objectification, poor body-image: this is what sexism causes, and I can’t believe it still exists.

I might be a girl but I am not a toy. My IQ is not lower than yours because I am a girl. My life is not less meaningful because I am a girl. My life is worse off, however, because I am a girl.

Thank you for reading this,

Lia

Am I Respected?

The phrase “respect your elders” gets me a lot because, although I definitely do respect them, why do we just respect them? Why are young people’s views less important than those of the older generation?

This happens to me a lot in my family. I’m the youngest person there and I try to talk but I can’t, and when I do, I get “not now” (which really means “not ever” because it’s only relevant in that space of time, it isn’t relevant later), whilst my parents can talk without anyone saying that to them.

I respect everyone and everyone’s views but I do not get why age gives your views more value. Sure, you’ve had more experience, but the younger generation have a fresher mind. Sometimes, you might miss the true meaning of something without an insight of someone younger.

I am seventeen, nearly eighteen, and I wish my opinions were as important as those of people older than me. Even my brother, only a year older, gains more respect. I think it is because he is more mature and does not have autism (he has two jobs) that he is put in a higher ranking than me. He acts his age, whilst I generally do act like someone younger, but that’s because I am different to most people and I am not as independent as others. That doesn’t mean that my views don’t matter though, does it?

I might be young and I might not be normal, but I still have opinions and I still want them to be heard.

Thank you,

Lia

Anxiety

I usually talk to my mum; she’s so caring and supportive, but she goes through her own issues too. When she goes through them, I can’t talk to her because it would just be another issue. For instance, she’s recently been having anxiety. What pushed her over the edge was a person she used to go to school with swearing at her when she was walking Pablo. She doesn’t want to have to worry about stuff like that anymore. So she hasn’t been able to go out of the house alone, which is really awful. 

Because of this, I can’t talk to her about my own anxiety. I get so anxious sometimes that I do irrational things and then hate myself. When I talk with my mum, she helps me be less irrational. But now that I can’t talk to her again, I’ve gone back to old habits, and have probably lost friends because of a meltdown I had. When I feel like this, I also kind of want to not live anymore — not die, just not live. Like not existing. If I didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have to worry so much about everything! Of course, I do exist, and I will always have existed, so not existing isn’t an option. 

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to now because I don’t want to bother anyone, especially my mum, so I am just thinking negatively all the time. I hope I can get over this but I know that, from my experience, I get over it for a few weeks and then it comes back again. My anxiety is just always there, waiting for me to mess up, so it can scream at me over and over again. I don’t even have to mess up, I just have to be in a situation where there is the possibility of messing up, which is pretty much every situation. 

How do you deal with your anxiety?

Lia

My Five Minutes of Fame

http://www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/girl-writes-poem-about-having-autism-1-7766168

This article is my five minutes of fame, I think? My local newspaper interviewed me last week and then today the article was published online and I think it might be out in print later this week.

It’s kinda awesome, in a way, apart from the terrible photograph. My dad sent off the poem and then was like “oh, by the way, I just sent off one of your poems to the newspaper” and I was like “oh cool” without thinking much of it, because honestly, I didn’t think they would respond. But they did, and now I’m in the newspaper.

You can read it if you like but, if you’ve seen my Instagram, you will already have read the poem on there. 🙂

A-Levels: Mental Health

I’ve been struggling with the stress of a-levels for a long time now and then I realised: my mental health should come first. Having suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time, I was back into a cycle I couldn’t get out of when I started my second year. The constant change of creative writing teacher certainly didn’t help. Now, I might only be doing one a-level soon. I know, I know, only one!? It’s because I’ve been having a lot of anxiety attacks recently and we’ve been talking to the college about the stress.

You guys have to remember that, although good grades would be nice, you shouldn’t let them be harmful to your mental health.You matter and you will get through this. I believe in you! However stressful a-levels are, they will be done one day. Just remember that. Especially if you have had mental health problems in the past, I would speak to people about what the best course of action is for you. They can help you by breaking the work down or referring you to counselling or whatever you need. Just reach out if it’s all getting too much. People do care.

🙂

Lia

The School Book Tag

I suck at book tags because, you know, so many books, buttttt I did it! Woo!

 

Maths – A book that has two characters who equal perfection 

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Now this book I read a long time ago but it is the dedication of Adam that held my heart. He didn’t ditch her; he stayed. The sequel was disappointing, though.

Biology – A book I would like to dissect

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I LOVE THIS BOOK! It honestly made me think so much and I would love to read it again and dissect it.

Physics – A book with a lot of potential

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I haven’t finished this book yet. It’s by the author of Cloud Atlas, one of my favourite books ever. It is so good so far, and so creepy. It definitely has potential.

Chemistry – A book I really bonded to

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THE ENTIRE SERIES! Most sequels go downhill but they were just as amazing as the first. I love this series. I’ve even met the author in London!

English – A book that should be a modern classic

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Yes, it’s another Patrick Ness book. Yes, it’s as amazing as the other one. Yet, this one definitely has classic potential. It’s awesome.

P.E. – A book that I raced to the finish with

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This is really not a book I’d typically read. Actually, it’s completely different to my normal stuff. It was my dad’s book and he let me read it before him (because he takes forever). Honestly, it is so original and wow. I loved it. The research that went into it… Wow.

Music – A book that reminds me of a song

 

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I’m not sure why but this book seems quite musical, as I read it, and I can’t say what song it reminds me of, but I definitely imagine a tune when reading it.

Okayy I’m going to nominate some cool people who follow me. Bare with, my WordPress is broken.

Alicia

Elm

Alice (because she needs to do a post ;D)

A New Chapter (because she also needs to do a post dude)

I would like nominate some cool new people but, um, my WordPress is broken so if you want to do this, JUST DO IT. IN FACT, I FORCE YOU. ALL OF YOU. 😀