Not All Cats Are Evil!

The stereotype most commonly associated with cats is that they are evil wanna-be dictators. Whilst this is certainly true of some cats, each cat has a different personality, just like humans. There is this cat down the road that we nickname ‘Mean Cat’. He definitely fits the typical stereotype. He is the cat bully around town. Even Pablo is afraid of him, and Pablo loves cats! He’s the reason Smiler comes home with cuts. He isn’t even nice to humans. He’s just rude.

But then you come to my cats: Diego and Smiler. Diego is the most unconditional-love-giving cat you could ask for. He is always waiting for me on my bed and he purrs as soon as I walk in, nudging his head against my hand and kneading into my duvet. He always gives love. He never got mad at us when we got a dog. Although he sometimes finds Pablo quite infuriating, I think he has accepted him as a member of our family now, like an annoying little brother. He still loved us. He didn’t run away. He accepted our decision and still gave us the love, even when people started to prefer paying attention to Pablo than him. He didn’t let that affect him. He has always loved us and will always love us.

Now, Smiler is the cat that wasn’t always ours, as you might know. He was someone’s down the street, but they didn’t care for him enough, so when he kept coming to us, they basically told us, in other words, to keep him. They didn’t want to pay his medical bills anymore. He is now a full-pledged member of our family and gets treated just the same as the others. He is also very sweet, though we think he is quite old. He doesn’t shower us with the love Diego does but the fact that he chose to live with us shows a lot, even when Pablo came. Diego and him are best pals and they love to play together. Sometimes Pablo even gets jealous and wants to join in!

The point is: not all cats are bad. There are just the few, like Mean Cat, that give all cats a bad name! Cats are quite awesome, actually.

Thanks for reading,

Lia

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The Worst Part of My Mum’s Cancer Treatment

You might not know this, as I haven’t really mentioned it much in my blog, but when I was 13/14, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. Actually, at the time she got diagnosed, I had just started at a new school, so I had to deal with that, my own mental health & social issues, and this at the same time. It was very hard to make friends when you’re constantly worrying about your mum. I did make friends but not very quickly or easily and they were hard to find. I’m lucky I found them eventually but, as I said, I did struggle a lot as well, especially considering I can’t make friends very easily anyway!

She was actually getting a mammogram for a problem she had in her other breast. She felt so lucky that she had that problem in her other breast because it might not have been diagnosed so early if she hadn’t had that. Like I said, it was diagnosed pretty early, which was good, but obviously I still worried a lot about her. At first, they thought she would need radiotherapy, but then they changed their mind, which was good. She instead had to have a number of operations and is still having operations at the moment. A lot of them got delayed due to skin infections, which has been very annoying for her!

But none of that is the worst part of her cancer treatment: the worst part was hormone therapy. This is the drug prescribed to stop the cancer coming back. The side effects are terrible and my mum said they were “like a toned-down version of chemotherapy.” She’s very happy that she never had to endure chemotherapy or radiotherapy, but she’s still suffering a lot. Her hair is in poor condition, she’s had joint pains, tiredness, rashes, and lots of other side effects that really affect her quality of life.

She’s been on the drug Tamoxifen for three years-ish and she’s decided to come off it. It is recommended to be used for at least five years but she just can’t deal with the side effects any longer, and I agree with her decision. She’s been a completely different person since being on the drug. Her mood has been down a lot. I just want her to be happy again — and I feel that coming off of this drug will do that for her. The drug doesn’t even guarantee that the cancer won’t reoccur so, in her opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. I really hope that she can come off of it soon and finally feel like her old self again!

Lia

My Five Minutes of Fame

http://www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/girl-writes-poem-about-having-autism-1-7766168

This article is my five minutes of fame, I think? My local newspaper interviewed me last week and then today the article was published online and I think it might be out in print later this week.

It’s kinda awesome, in a way, apart from the terrible photograph. My dad sent off the poem and then was like “oh, by the way, I just sent off one of your poems to the newspaper” and I was like “oh cool” without thinking much of it, because honestly, I didn’t think they would respond. But they did, and now I’m in the newspaper.

You can read it if you like but, if you’ve seen my Instagram, you will already have read the poem on there. 🙂

My New Years Expectations

Usually, I’d do resolutions, which are what I want to achieve each year, but I never achieve them and it just makes me feel rubbish, so instead, I’m going to do my expectations! This is what I expect out of the year, instead of what I want to achieve.

  • I expect to get through my last remaining a-level, and to get an alright grade. If this was resolutions, I’d say I want an A, but for expectations, I expect a B. 🙂
  • I expect to feel rubbish some of the time, but that’s okay. That is okay. I cannot go through the entire year without feeling some sadness.
  • I expect to have my 18th with my family and friends. I want to forget the fact that I’m gonna be an adult and play board games and have pizza like a kid!
  • I expect my pets to be there throughout the year, making me feel good when I might feel down!
  • I expect it to be a better year than last year. Honestly, tomorrow, A Monster Calls is coming out in cinemas — if that isn’t a great start to the year, then I don’t know what is!
  • I expect to start writing more again. I’ve kind of been doing a lot of poetry recently on my Instagram (of the same name as my blog), but I haven’t been doing a lot of stories! I think I will pick up the story-writing pen again soon! 🙂
  • I expect to continue going to a group I’ve been going to and to enjoy most of it.
  • I expect to continue blogging, and to also get a custom domain — hopefully very soon! 🙂

    Thank you for reading!
    What are your expectations for the year?

    Lia

A-Levels: Mental Health

I’ve been struggling with the stress of a-levels for a long time now and then I realised: my mental health should come first. Having suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time, I was back into a cycle I couldn’t get out of when I started my second year. The constant change of creative writing teacher certainly didn’t help. Now, I might only be doing one a-level soon. I know, I know, only one!? It’s because I’ve been having a lot of anxiety attacks recently and we’ve been talking to the college about the stress.

You guys have to remember that, although good grades would be nice, you shouldn’t let them be harmful to your mental health.You matter and you will get through this. I believe in you! However stressful a-levels are, they will be done one day. Just remember that. Especially if you have had mental health problems in the past, I would speak to people about what the best course of action is for you. They can help you by breaking the work down or referring you to counselling or whatever you need. Just reach out if it’s all getting too much. People do care.

🙂

Lia

Sorry!

Sorry I haven’t been so active recently; a lot has been going on. I’ve also been working on my instagram @bamboochewer, which I’d love you guys to check out <3.

This post isn’t going to be very long — it’s really just an apology post and to let you know I’m still alive. How was your Halloween? Mine was great because we had no trick-or-treaters so the sweets we brought were all leftover. :’)

Hope you are all okayy,

I’d appreciate it if you could comment some post ideas below 🙂

Lia

Again?!

Today, I found out that yet another teacher has quit us, though this time it was after only one lesson (what a record!). When I messaged Rose to tell her of it, she didn’t believe me because it was so ridiculous. She’d been ill so hadn’t come in, thus was very unconvinced. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been messing around.

I used to be ashamed of my autism, upon my diagnosis, wanting to hide it and never telling anyone about it but, then, when I realised that teachers who knew about my condition started treating me differently… I felt like I didn’t want to be different, but that I had to be. I wasn’t like everyone else and I had to accept that. So, now that I’ve accepted my diagnosis, I understand what aspects of it affect me. Change is a big one, and I’ve already done a post on it which you can find here. After struggling with so many teachers leaving, I was told that this one would stay. Nope.

It’s just really upsetting for me and I almost want to just drop out but I know that my parents would get a fine if I did, so I can’t. I have to put up with it. This isn’t something anyone should have to go through (especially when the college gets Ofsted outstanding!!!), but it is especially difficult for people with my condition and I am just not gonna do well this year at all.

I’ve been so sad today and they don’t seem to see how this affects my mental state as well as my education. It’s honestly ridiculous and I wish I could just have not done Creative Writing (my dream course) at all because, although I love writing, this course is so messed up that it’s just destroying me, to be honest. The constant change of teachers, the teachers who we do have not knowing anything, I just can’t deal with it. I wish I could but I wasn’t built like that. This just sucks.

How do you deal with difficult circumstances? Do you get out the other end?

Lia

After post P.S: Why do I need to approve me linking to my own posts?! xD

Anxiety and Trains

Train strikes are not good for people with anxiety. I was standing around for my train, which wasn’t direct and meant I had to change at a weird stop, and I was shaking as it kept getting delayed and I got confused.

I started walking back, really sad, when a familiar face appeared. She told me it was okay and made me follow her. Then, she found her friend and stood with him but I was too anxious of being late to get on the train, so I left again. I just couldn’t do it.

I was in tears to my mum, knowing I’d already missed so many days, but my anxiety feels like it’s destroying my life sometimes. It takes away everything from me: social interaction, education, independence. People say for me to just stop thinking about it but I can’t and the more I try not to think about it, the more I end up thinking about it.

This is really affecting my college work and my life in general and it just sucks. I wish I could get over it, but I can’t. It’s just always there, hanging on the wall, spiking my toes, clawing its way through my ears, my lungs.

I just want it gone but it never goes. Never.

Lia

Change and Autism

We all go through change — everyone, whether it’s moving house or just trying a new cereal, it’s all the same thing: change. Change can be minor or major but, in the end, it can change a lot of other things as well. For instance, I changed as a person when I transferred school in year nine. I made some really good friends there and that made me gain confidence. However, my confidence has dropped again since starting college.

Change, to most people, can be a daunting thing; you don’t know what to expect from it. For instance, if I had been allowed to vote, I would have voted in for the EU referendum, because of the change that leaving would entail. We left and I’m having to adjust to that. On the other hand, today we went to a new cafe I have not been in before (as opposed to the usual one we go to) and I was really sad and had a mini-meltdown because it wasn’t the normal one. Then my food came and it was so well-presented and nice and they’d really taken into consideration my veganism that I just couldn’t hate the cafe. I realised that it was actually quite nice. It just wasn’t what I was used to.

If you’re autistic, change is an even more terrifying thought, because we like routine and to have an interruption to that routine makes us intensely stressed. At college, I have always had the same teacher and the same class for English and that is nice for me because it is the same. I have however had five teachers in total so far for creative writing, as well as the classes merging at the beginning of the year (making a massive class, which I can’t stand) and it really feels like they don’t care about our happiness: just funding. The change has really impacted me in a negative way so much so that I haven’t been to college as much as I should be. I also haven’t been because I have to read a potentially-triggering book in English. So, basically, my attendance is bad.

I cried my first day of creative writing, at the break, (though I didn’t tell anyone and only one teacher noticed and she kept pestering me but I was just like “no I don’t need anyone k thanks”) because the change was so extreme. It doesn’t seem like they have taken into consideration what effect this could have on me and my class. I think everyone hates the change but it is just annoying for the rest of the class: for me, it’s terrifying.

Change is hard but sometimes you have to adapt to the change in environment, survival of the fittest and all that, though sometimes, if it’s negative change that could have been prevented, it feels like there is no one who understands the agony it causes me. If I get anxious over a change in cafes, just imagine me adapting to my. fifth. teacher. Not all change is negative though, remember that. Changing schools was one of the best things that happened to me because I met A New Chapter and another really cool person who doesn’t have a blog.

How do you feel about change?

Lia

Met Up With A Fellow Blogger!

So, after a pretty bad yesterday (where I felt really ill all day and it ended up with a lovely swollen lip and cut nose), I was really nervous about today because it was the day I was meeting with MyMindSpeaksAloud for the first time, after knowing each other for five years. I thought that maybe she’d hate me and I was really panicking over it.

After a pretty awkward start, we played Monopoly, The Game of Life, and a very… interesting version of Scrabble where you get awarded points for the inappropriateness of the word, rather than the length of the word/value of the letters. It was very interesting, indeed.

After that, we played Jenga in which we won one game each. I then showed her this app on my phone called Exploding Kittens (which basically was a card game where you have to avoid getting the exploding kitten). Finally, I got my mum’s laptop and we played some CurveFever together, which was what we normally play when we are talking to one another online.

It went a lot better than I expected and I really enjoyed her visit. I have felt really sad recently and it was such a good boost in my confidence!

Also, the surprise that she’s been hiding from me for several weeks, came in the form of a panda-covered notebook. It was awesome. I can’t believe I actually met her! 🙂

Thanks for reading this post,

Lia