What is there?

I am sad at the moment. That’s why I haven’t blogged in a while. I didn’t have anything to say because nothing was happening to me, except my mind was crumbling.

Everyone I know has a future. I can see them living their life happily in the future. But I can’t see my own future.

I have autism, which makes most social situations much more challenging. I have selective mutism, which is why most jobs wouldn’t work for me. You can’t exactly blank the customers! Most people don’t understand why I’m unable to work, encouraging me to try, and telling me about opportunities, without realising how extremely anxious this makes me. In my current state of being, normal jobs just aren’t for me. I can’t do it because of my challenges. But I want to have a goal, something to strive for, to live for. Because, at the moment, I have no goal. I’m not living, I’m surviving. I can’t do a lot of things because of my problems but because no one can actually see my disability, they keep encouraging me. It’s nice, that they think I have potential, but to be honest, it’s kinda like telling a blind person to see.

I want to do something so bad but I’m tired, I’m sad, and I have no motivation. My anxieties are everywhere. What is there for someone like me to do? Someone who can’t even go out alone, someone who often can’t speak for herself. What is there?

4 thoughts on “What is there?

  1. I’m sorry you feel this way😞 I understand how important goals can be to push yourself out of a bad mental health state – without them, I really struggle too. But I don’t think your goal needs to be huge to be effective. You can start somewhere small – somewhere where you feel comfortable but which will gradually build up your strength.
    Here are some ideas:
    – going for a walk everyday (or a few times a week)
    – setting a word count each week and trying to creatively write to meet that goal (and learning to write whatever comes to your brain, even if it’s bad – as it doesn’t have to be shared with anyone)
    – set a goal to read a certain amount of books
    – set a goal to bake or cook something each week

    And there’s many more things, depending on what you’re interested in 😊 but I watched this TV show called “After Life” recently (I know you watched it too!) and that show proves that happiness isn’t just about ourselves – if we can make their people happy that makes our time worthwhile as a human. If you set goals to make a difference in other people’s lives, you will feel more at peace with your own too 😊
    I hope this is somewhat helpful and you know you can always message me if you need me ❤️


  2. I think I make Pablo happy. Making others happy shouldn’t just be limited to people. I want to make the earth happy too. thank you a lot. you can be nice. im sorry for everything bad.

    Liked by 1 person

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