I’m Depressed

When you’re depressed, it’s kinda like being sucked into a black hole. No one knows where you’ve gone, and you can’t go back to where you were before. Instead, you should go to a new place, a different place, because that old world you lived in — that was the one that led you here. To this black hole. Instead of hopelessly trying to go back into it, accept that you’ve been sucked through it, and try to figure out how to cope with your new surroundings.

Sometimes, when you’re depressed, all you want to do is cry. It’s okay to cry. I cry, daily, at the moment. I don’t know how to stop myself. It’s the easiest way to let your emotions out, because other ways seem challenging.

Having depression and anxiety combined is a deadly combination. They contradict each other so completely that your mind is rattled and you don’t know how to exist. On one hand, your depression makes you stop caring, but on the other hand, anxiety makes you care about everything. How can you care about everything and nothing at the same time? I don’t know how, but that is me. I care about so much yet so little all at once. It’s confusing.

I’m in an existential crisis, wondering what the point of human existence is, if our only objective is to destroy the world? Because that’s what we seem to be doing anyway. So my mind wonders sometimes if the most eco-friendly option of all is to no longer exist. That’s my crazy depressed anxiety-riddled mind for you. I care so much about the world, so why have I stopped caring about myself? I don’t know, but my mind is always plagued with the big questions, as well as the small questions, whilst undeniably not caring what happens to me. It’s a truly destructive mind that I have, but I’ve kept existing this long. I can keep existing, can’t I?

I know this post is awfully depressing but my mind’s a mess. It’s been a mess for a while and I don’t see it cleaning itself up anytime soon so I thought writing a post might help. It’s healthy to write about your problems. It helps you figure them out in ways that you haven’t yet come across. This post didn’t help me fix my problems but it made me realise some of the roots of them. If you read this, thank you for reading. You should try writing about any problems you have. It helps, in a way.

Lia

8 thoughts on “I’m Depressed

  1. I definitely agree with what you said that the post didn’t fix your problems, but it does help you realise them! It really is helpful to write about your problems, I definitely find that it helps me. You’re a brilliant writer, Lia, and your fiction material is amazing – so definitely keep at it because it’ll be a big help to you and others one day 🙂
    As for non-fiction material, that’s amazing too! Sharing that can be so helpful. Maybe (if you haven’t already) you’d find some form of journalling beneficial?

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  2. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re not doing okay at the moment 😞 but as I was reading, a lot of the thoughts remind me of a place I used to be in when I, also, thought there was no way out. And yet here I am.
    You’re absolutely right about there not being a way back, and having to find a new place to go. Once you’ve entered a certain state of mind, you tend to associate that surrounding with what’s hurting you, and sometimes the only way to overcome that is to find somewhere new to go where you can completely start over. Changing your mindset is so damn hard but it’s the only way to overcome things and I totally believe you can do it (even if you think you can’t, because that’s your mind telling you lies!)
    I’m not sure how to help because it’s different for different people and circumstances, but you know that I’m always here if you want to talk about anything. After all, you were there for me a lot last year when I was struggling and you also helped me overcome my fear of sharing my mental health problems. I’m forever grateful for that 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you a lot Alf. It means a lot that I have a friend like you to talk to. I think having pets helps me too because of their love. I find sometimes just cuddling up to them helps me a lot. X

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s no problem at all Lint 😊 and yes I completely agree! Although I’m apart from my cats at uni, when I go back to them I always feel that hugging them makes me feel a whole lot better. Somehow, it’s a completely different experience to a human hug xx

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