Update on Moving House

So, as I said previously, I’m moving house, We were originally moving to this chalet bungalow, where I’d have a reasonable sized bedroom. Even though I hated the idea of moving house, this house was the one that I liked the most. I could see the potential in it.

However, as you do when you move house, my parents had a survey done of the house to see if there were any problems. There were a lot of problems, and it would take a lot of time and money to fix them all, so my parents decided it wasn’t worth it. Without telling me, they went to view another property, and immediately put in an offer on it, also without consulting me. I guess it’s their decisions at the end of the day, but I would have liked to see it first. I was hoping that the survey issue might slow things down… but it seemed to have no impact on time whatsoever.

The new property (normal bungalow) is in the same road as the other (though it’s a long road, compared to the short one I live in now, so it’s right at the other end) but it’s hidden. It has this really, really, really long driveway. Imagine a long driveway, and double it. So, although we will have neighbours, we won’t really see them much, because they’ll be next to the start of our long driveway, and we’re hidden the other end. The garden is also a wraparound which could be good for Pablo. Lots of space for him to run around. Although it’s near a busy road and railway station, it isn’t really, again because of the long driveway, so I hope the cats will be okay if we were to move there. My bedroom would be much smaller than the one now. Everyone else in the house is going to have a large bedroom so I’ll be the only one suffering a loss of space. Also, I think Pablo’s going to be upset about lack of upstairs, because he loves going upstairs. And the cats love swiping at us from the stairs.

I guess I’m terrified, again, because I haven’t even seen this house… and it could be the house that I live in for many years to come. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be okay, maybe I’ll get used to a small bedroom and no upstairs and a different area and maybe the pets will be okay with it too… or maybe it won’t be good. I won’t know until I see the property. Who knows? Maybe this property will fail the survey too.

It’s just a lot of maybes at the moment. Maybe I’ll move to this house; maybe I won’t. I just need to prepare for every possible outcome.

Rain Clouds

Everyone has a little box in their brain

full of rain clouds

that will never go away.

They’re the rain clouds

you can’t let fade,

because they’re the darkness

you need to keep.

They’re tightly sealed,

until those days

when you think about them.

My box is full to the brim,

and rain clouds are fighting

to get out every day,

and more are getting leaked.

They fill the parts of me

I don’t want them to fill,

and rain is getting in the way.

My happiest thoughts become

soaked in rain.

And me?

I’m already drenched.

There’s no saving

a soggy piece of paper.

I Think

I think

that I exist,

I think

that it’s real,

I think

that we’re alive,

I think

all of that,

but what do I know?

Nothing.

Because knowledge is

never definite,

as it could all just be

an illusion;

rain, sun, snow,

the world,

the stars…

We’ll never know

whether our eyes

are actually there

or whether all of this

is a dream.

I think I can touch it

but I know I can feel it.

I think I can see it

but I know I can think it.

Urges

Urges send my hands reaching,

clawing at what they want,

but then I stop them.

I have to stop them.

Urges control my mind,

every thought in it

wants the same thing.

Happiness, sadness,

anger, they all become one.

One spear aimed at the heart.

Whether it misses or not,

that’s up to me,

and whether I listen

to my mind.

The spear misses this time.

The Box and The Ball

The box is blue.

Inside the box is a ball.

The ball is red.

The ball doesn’t want to be inside the box.

The ball would much rather be inside a red box.

The ball jumps.

The box doesn’t move.

The ball learns to accept that it is stuck with the blue box.

The box doesn’t want the red ball to be inside it.

The box tries to open.

The box is stuck.

The box tries to crush the ball.

The box can’t get rid of it.

The box learns to accept that it is stuck with the red ball.

A yellow car comes.

In one movement, the yellow car crushes the blue box.

The blue box crushes the red ball.

The red ball suffocates.

If only, the yellow car had avoided them.

If only, the blue box had opened up.

If only, the red ball had jumped out.