a splatter becomes a puddle,
a puddle becomes a pond,
a pond becomes a stream,
a stream becomes a river,
a river becomes a sea,
a sea becomes eternity.
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Month: Dec 2017
My Christmas
This is my Christmas post!! For Christmas, I brought presents for my mum, dad, brother, and brother’s girlfriend. I got my mum a nice dress, my dad some chocolate penguins, an electronic bug, and a bike t-shirt. I got my brother a Mr Poopybutthead figurine, which you’d know if you watch Rick and Morty. I got his girlfriend an animal crossing K.K. Slider plushie, which she seemed to like. My brother was jealous though, perhaps for his birthday…?
I got a new phone for Christmas too, because I haven’t had one for a while. It’s cheap but it seems nice and it has that new phone feel. I also got the best surprise ever: a Pablo cushion! I screamed when I opened it because it’s the best thing I could have gotten. My brother got a Smiler cushion. For my stocking, I also got a magnetic poetry kit, which I’m going to start using for my instagram. Also, my dad got me a book that he brought when he was with me, except he told me it was for my brother.
My roast was lovely, with Tofurkey… mhm. I love roast potatoes and mash too. And sprouts.
On boxing day, I went to my aunt’s. It was really nice. One of my cousins gave me a box of delicious vegan sweets (honestly, best I’ve ever had). The other cousin gave our entire family a David Attenborough collection of DVDs, but also gave me a box of vegan chocolates, and no one else anything extra. I’m obviously her favourite. I got a lovely poetry book and top from my aunt and uncle. But my uncle’s sister got me a VEGAN YULE LOG. Okay, it wasn’t really a normal yule log, it was more dark chocolate in the shape of a yule log, but it was delicious!! I love my family. We also played some games, including Bananagrams, which I love a lot. It’s kinda like Scrabble but quicker and you laugh more.
I also won a competition a few days before Christmas. My favourite author, Patrick Ness, ran a competition where 10 winners would win all these prizes and 100 runners up got some good prizes too. I was one of the 10 winners, and it makes me so happy, because one of the prizes means I get to go see A Monster Calls as a play in the Old Vic, London. I also get some cool other stuff but I think that’s the one I’m most excited for, especially considering the star of it is a tree. I’m just wanting to see a tree walk on stage, really.
Overall, my Christmas was the best time of year, because I got to go see my family. I don’t care about much else, it’s just nice to see them. The rest of my year wasn’t really much to beat either. I also played ‘Who Am I?’ and one of the questions I asked was ‘am I female?’ My cousin answered ‘you are… now’ and I instantly knew I was Doctor Who. Hehe…
The pets got a ton of presents this year too, including a bum for Pablo. Yes, a bum. My cousin got him a cuddly baboon’s bum, which he loves.
Thank you for reading,
How was your Christmas?
Lia
When You See Me
When you see me, you see a white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She can see, she can walk, sheâs got nice clothes. That girl is lucky. Perhaps youâre right; I live in a house, with a family that cares, and Iâve got pets too. I am writing this on an iPad, thatâs nice as well. Iâve got a lot of things I should be thankful for. I am thankful for them, but life isnât a breeze either.
As a stranger, I look normal to you. But I have a hidden condition, and itâs called autism. For me, it means that I crave social contact but want to run away when I get it. It means that I wonât speak up about something I dislike until hours later, when I tell only my mum. It means that I canât go out alone, canât navigate alone, itâs too terrifying. It means that sometimes my words get scrambled up and I say things wrong. It means that I canât currently work, because it would be too much; the people, the tasks, the deadlinesâ it would all get too much. I wouldnât even survive the interview. It means that I stay in my house most days.
It means that I am not who you think you see.
People with autism look just like anyone else. Sometimes, theyâre even extroverts willing to party (they do exist, I know a few!) and sometimes theyâre not. Each person with autism is different, no two share the exact same difficulties. But we all blend in. Just because you canât see it, that doesnât mean it isnât there. Itâs very real and very frightening.
Thank you for reading,
Lia
Perceptions
So I was at a cafe today with my parents, just having lunch, when I overheard a conversation from the table next to us. A man was saying a lot of bad stuff about vegans. One thing he said was âif they were on my table, Iâd have extra pigs in blanketsâ. He also said the line that I have heard so often from people; that if we didnât breed animals, theyâd be extinct. We actually over-breed them, so itâs a very false statement. Even if it were true, which it isnât, I would much rather a species go extinct than have to suffer at the hands of humanity.
I know a lot of omnivores; the majority of the people I know are omnivores, and if theyâre not, they are vegetarian. I donât have any vegan friends. I hold my beliefs quite passionately but if I were to go around bad-mouthing them, Iâd be a very unpopular person. I accept that itâs not something theyâre willing to do. Whilst Iâd like them to be vegan, I know that I have to accept them as omnivores. Being vegan is about passion and I couldnât call myself passionate if I were constantly making them feel bad.
This guy had no right to talk rubbish about an entire group of people within society. He hasnât even met most of us, yet he can be so rude. It kinda made me sad, because a lot of other people are probably staying similar stuff. Vegans arenât the enemy; weâre just like you, except we live slightly differently. Iâm so thankful for the small amount of friends I have, and I wouldnât change them. But other people should not judge a book by its cover.
With me, itâs âis she antisocial?â âHow rude!â âDoes she speak?â âStop fidgeting!â That is because of my autism and that is how I am judged. Next, because of my veganism, itâs âoh, sheâs one of those.â âWhat does she eat?â âPlants have feelings too, hypocrite.â âWhere does she get her protein from?â âBetter not be friends with her, sheâd turn me.â I have all these perceptions of me constantly floating around and itâs just upsetting to constantly have them in my life. Strangers, leave other strangers alone.Thank you.
I might not be what society deems ânormalâ but Iâm not what you think either. Iâm more than just thoughts. Iâm a person too.
Lia
What My Depression Feels Like
Iâve been depressed for a long time, suffered from anxiety for most of that time too, though I think the depression started first. I wasnât even a teenager when it started. I have been on medication for it since I was fifteen, and Iâm currently trying to get it changed as I am now an adult and itâs really not working. Not so many years ago, I overdosed on iron pills and spent quite a few hours in A&E, but I had thrown up most of them already. This was my way to get away from toxicity by digesting toxicity. Not my best idea.
I usually talk about my anxiety on this blog. My anxiety is simpler than my depression, because I can understand it. I can understand why I have it and what factors contributed to me getting it. I can understand why I used to be depressed, but I canât get why I still am.
I guess itâs because of expectations, and what everyone else is doing with their life… and the fact that I canât just get up and do something. Itâs not that simple. Depression is never that simple. Iâm at home most days, lonely. I want to get out and do stuff, but I canât. A heavy weight stops me from doing it.
I want to be distracted, to have a friend come over and distract me, but people that were once my friends are now further apart from me than ever. Theyâre moving on with their lives, going places. And Iâm not. You canât expect me to just get a job, or to just go to university. Itâs not that simple, again. Autism and depression donât mix. I was never good at interacting with people, especially strangers. I want to volunteer but my confidence isnât very high. My anxiety also coincides with this. I just feel so alone about all this.
This is just how I am. Iâm sad all the time, but Iâm too exhausted to talk to someone, because my mouth wonât move. So I type.
