What Am I Doing With My Life?

So, two people in one day asked me the same question: what am I doing with my life? One conversation went something like this:

Them: Are you going to university?

Me: No.

Them: Are you working?

Me: No.

Them: Are you breathing…?

The other conversation was just a catch-up with an old friend, whom seems to have a really cool job as a teaching assistant with tiny children. I love children, so that seems fun. We talked a lot about our pets, and then about what we’re doing at the moment.

Anyway, it made me realise that people don’t understand me that well at all. These people that I’m friends with aren’t very similar to me. There is one friend I have who is very similar to me but we don’t meet up much, and it’s pretty much just her emailing me jokes that make me laugh. She thinks they’re not funny but they’re really my types of jokes!

So, I don’t have any prospects. I’m just an eighteen-year-old living with her parents. A lot of eighteen-year-olds live with their parents still, so I’m not too abnormal yet. My brother lives with my parents too — he’s nineteen! FYI: My mum moved out of her parent’s house at nineteen. I wish my brother took after her, because I really like the quiet. Just thinking is nice. And I can’t just think because he is constantly loud. I think I’ve complained about it a few times in blog posts… I have hyper-senses due to my autism, so every little sound really disturbs me! And he doesn’t even try to be quiet sometimes. The noise can be so loud…

Sorry for getting off topic! Basically, I think I should tell everyone a little thing about me: I don’t find it easy doing most jobs, or going to university. Both things involve interaction, and I have constant anxiety over every little thing, so something like that really wouldn’t work for me. I don’t know if I’ll get a job somewhen in the future, but right now, I don’t want one. I know that it would send my anxiety levels skyrocketing and my parents are fully supportive of me in everything I do. They want me to try working on my writing, but honestly, I’ve been stuck for ideas lately. Somewhen, I might go to university, or the open university, but it isn’t this year, or next. People need to live life at their own pace.

Not everyone should feel pressured to do what everyone else their age is doing. Sure, other people my age are at university or at a job: that isn’t me. Not right now, anyway. I have autism and it limits many of my social skills. Lots of people with autism do go to work or university, but I don’t find it works for me at the moment. I’m also pretty tired a lot of the time. I don’t know why, it’s kinda undiagnosed, but it stops me from being able to just go out and do things.

Remember that you shouldn’t feel like you have to do what the world is doing. You should do your own thing, be your own person. You can go to university if you want, that’s cool, but you should do it because you want to do it, not because everyone else is doing it. You can wait a year or two to try and figure out what you want to do in life. I want to be a cat, but unfortunately I haven’t figured out how yet. Maybe, one day…

Thanks for reading,


5 thoughts on “What Am I Doing With My Life?

  1. I totally get why it’s difficult to have a job or go to university – I definitely agree that you shouldn’t do things just because everyone else is doing it. However I think the only way to help your anxieties is to gently push yourself – even if it’s only slightly – everyday because otherwise you end up repeating the same cycles. I’ve found that lately I’ve been forcing myself to do things that I would normally avoid and I’ve noticed that over time it’s actually improving and it makes me feel really good about myself. It can be tempting to give up on trying these sorts of things because the results are sometimes not so rewarding, but keep going! I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon and I can relate to the writer’s block – hopefully we’ll both get some more inspiration soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • i do go out a few times a week, i force myself even though i’m tired, and sometimes i put stuff on counters when i go out. i just don’t feel like i’m ready

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well that’s good that you’re trying to get out more! I don’t think anyone ever feels ready, but I guess that’s what life’s about. I hope it gets a bit easier 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m going through this stage of confusion where I don’t know what to do, but unfortunately I can’t wait a year or two because that’ll be seen as a shortcoming on my side by the society (the big big drawback of family politics – messy business- and living in a collectivistic society), and of course my parents’ views are nothing different – feeling success should come sooner. It’s a disturbing thing for me to think about, because this thought comes often in my mind that if I don’t get into a good university next year, if I don’t succeed, then the reaction of my family will be awful. No matter how much I try not to be influenced by what they think, I can’t help it. I still don’t know what I really want to do in life, I’ll have to apply into a college just for the sake of ‘graduating’. It’s sad, but it can’t be helped.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Society sucks, doesn’t it? With pressure that it places on people. I am lucky enough to not be in a similar situation, in that I have a supportive family who acknowledge my difficulties and will let me take as long as I need. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through; this post wasn’t by any means about what everyone is going through — it is just how it is for me personally. I’m sorry that you have so much pressure. Good luck though, I’m sure it’ll be alright 🙂


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