My mind

I have a mind that nobody but me understands. That can be pretty painful at times because you try to get people to connect and they can’t. It’s also special though because it gives you a place that nobody will ever be able to walk into. No matter where you are, what you’re doing, nobody can get there. 
My mind is the most dangerous place in the universe though. It holds more threat that anything else. It has the power to do anything. It holds the knives that can stab us or other people, it holds the bombs that can light up an entire stadium with fear, it holds the rope that ties us to it. We can never escape our mind. It will always be there.

I sometimes feel like my mind is so conflicted that I would be better off if I did escape it, but then I realise that it holds memories I never want to leave, as well as ones I would tear apart if I had the chance, and I feel even more conflicted. 

Mental health is the cancer of the mind; it destroys hopes, dreams, possibilities. It becomes something so infectious that soon your entire body suffers. You might snack unnecessarily, or not eat at all; I get so conflicted sometimes that I do both. One day I snack so much, other times I don’t want to eat. You might sleep too much, or not at all. Again, I do both. Some nights I don’t sleep, though these are rarer than the nights I do, but during the day I nap. A lot. I get exhausted from everything. Sometimes my body just won’t work. You might have problems internally as well, such as IBS, which has no known cure. It’s horrible. You might seem fine, heathy, but you know that your body is responding. It’s sending you signals. All these health problems are connected. 

Our mind is the most lonely place, yet it is also the most free. You can be yourself there, but sometimes that can be terrifying. When I’m myself, I feel like I have nobody in the world. I suppose I don’t, not anyone that can truly enter my mind. My family are so wonderful but they don’t have my mind, or even a similar one. Some friends are similar, but I don’t want to bother them, when they have their own demons. And they’re too far away; or too hard to contact; or too busy, through no fault of their own, to really talk to. I suppose I am alone in this world and my mind is a cage.

But don’t worry: there is a key. It’s just on the other side.

5 thoughts on “My mind

  1. You write and think in such a beautiful and complex way; that’s just emphasised by this post. I think that only YOU can understand your mind because it’s yours. People can try but they never can truly get it. That’s why it feels like a cage sometimes but it doesn’t have to be. A prison is only a prison if you feel trapped within it.

    Liked by 1 person

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