Why?

Why do we live in a time where you aren’t allowed to be proud, happy, supportive, of yourself? Why do we live in a time where we have to look for our flaws, even when they’re harder to find than the good parts? Why do we have to ignore our talents or our natural gifts? Why is modesty and low self-esteem the norm? Why can’t we just be accepting of ourselves?

It’s hard for me to say I’m good at anything, even when I get good grades. I’ve constantly been telling myself how bad I am that it just embeds itself in my mind and I can’t get rid of it, regardless of my grades. It’s because I’ve adjusted to this state of mind. We all have.

People who are proud of themselves are rarer in this world than those who are not, and I am not getting at arrogance here — that is another matter altogether. I am getting at those who have the right to be proud, and take it to the right level. I am in such awe of those people, at how they can manage to feel accomplishment for the same tasks that make me cry at how bad I feel I am at them.

I want to tell people how to be happy with themselves but I can’t because then I’d be lying; I don’t know how to be happy with myself so how can I tell others how to be? Compliments don’t change this; just add an edge of awkwardness and, perhaps, a momentary bit of self-appreciation. But that doesn’t last: it never lasts, and then you’re back where you were. Lost and confused about why you even exist; what qualities do you have to offer the world?

It’s so difficult living without being able to appreciate yourself: can’t that change? I wish it could, but there’s just no way of knowing how.

5 thoughts on “Why?

  1. My guess would be that it’s because we as human beings have moved away from our natural states and more used to being in an urban civilisation where everyone is busy. I think people often look at their flaws because it’s what they’ve been taught to do. For the past year at college, I’ve been failing my subjects. At first, it was easy for me to say that it’s because I’m not smart. I am smart it’s just not my ability. I know I’m good at something, but my current state is telling me otherwise. I had to rant, sorry 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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