Bear [Poem]

A bear, glaring at my movement,
deciding where to go,
what part of me to eat first;
my mouth feels dry, thirsty,
my heart feels unused, rusty,
and my hands become a ball
and the bear charges —
misses by a margin,
and again again again
and eventually,
it doesn’t miss
and I am crushed
by its killing kiss.

Looking Positively

A few days ago, I was at my cousin’s 21st birthday party and I met this Irish man with a very bad stutter. He was really funny though. I soon discovered that his stutter was the result of a serious car accident.

Yet he’s one of the most positive people I have ever met.

He told me that what’s done is done and that we must deal with it in the most optimistic way possible. I was quite saddened by the recent referendum result but this piece of advice has made me think: he’s right. It is done and we can’t keep getting angry and sad over it; we have to accept it in a positive way. It might be hard to see it in a positive light but it’s much more easy on you to see it in that way. We can’t change the past but we can change the way we view the present in order to change our future. The future might be the same but it can appear to be different dependant on how we view it. So view events positively and your future will be positive.

This can go for anything. Whatever happens in your life, it has happened and you have to accept that. By accepting it and looking at the outcome more positively, you can have a happier life in general.

I hope you enjoyed this post,

Lia

The Blogger Recognition Award!

Firstly, a massive thanks to my awesome friends A New Chapter  and My Mind Speaks Aloud for nominating me for this! Go check them out, guys. They’re amazing.

The Rules

1. Write a post to show your award.
2. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you.
3. Give a brief story about how you got started blogging.
4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
5. Nominate 15 bloggers for the award.

How I started blogging

I’ve been doing a creative writing course at college and one of the best ways to ensure you do well is to practice and I thought this was the perfect way to do that. As well as practicing, it’s also a way of me getting stuff off my mind and I am so happy I started blogging. I’ve also managed to persuade a few friends to blog along the way too and, honestly, without their support I would not still be blogging. Without your support — all of you who follow me and comment and like my stuff, you are amazing. Thank you.

Advice for New Bloggers

I remember once my friend said “I wrote this post but I don’t know whether I should post it because it might come across wrong to some people.” It is your blog and you should be able to write what you want. Don’t worry about what others will think and, to be honest, most of the time you’re just overthinking it. Her post wasn’t even offensive in the slightest; she just got overly-worried. Just remember that you can’t please everyone; there will be some random dude who will say “ey you offended me by talking about cats how dare you” whatever you do. Don’t worry. Your blog is your blog.

My second piece of advice is to write when you want to write. At first, I wrote every single day, determined that I had to in order to please my followers. Whilst it is nice to please your followers, writing everyday can be a strain for you and your pieces might not even be as good if they’re forced. It’s okay not to write everyday. It’s okay to write when you want to. Your followers won’t mind. 🙂

I am pretty sure everyone in the universe has been nominated so if you’re in another universe wanting to be nominated, go for it! Consider this your nomination 😉

Thank you for reading this,

Lia

Fake Selflessness

True selflessness is the act of not caring for yourself, only for other people. None of us are truly selfless; we eat, we rest, we wear clothes — but that is fine. It cannot be expected for any of us to be truly selfless; it is an impossible task. Some are more selfless than others though and these people often fail to see their own selflessness. These types of people are amazing. Actually, I’m friends with a couple of these, and I am so so proud to be their friend.

The thing that really gets me, though, is fake selflessness. This is when someone does a few favours for you, for nothing, so you assume they’re being kind and considerate, and then they later bring back these favours to haunt you. They use these favours against you to make them look golden and to make you look like someone who doesn’t appreciate them enough. Real selfless people won’t even mention what they’ve done for you; rather, they’d simply shrug it off. Know the difference. Don’t underestimate fake selflessness, either, because they can destroy you just with a few twists of their tongue. Real selflessness can bring you back though. It’s just a matter of who you hang around with.

I’d say I’m neither, but often I need a lot of support from people because of my condition, and some of my friends will give me that and make me smile, whilst others will help and then use it against me. It makes me sad when people do that, but happy when people do another little thing to make my day.

Do you guys know anyone that fits into these two categories?

How would you cope with a ‘fake selfless’ friend?

Thank you for reading,

Lia 🙂

I’m Back!

I was on holiday, but now I’m back.

I’m pretty tired after it all but I got greeted with a lovely jumpy Pablo, which was great. I still can’t really relax much as I’m going to my cousin’s birthday on Sunday, which is quite a few hours away as well!

My holiday consisted of sleeping, going to a seal sanctuary (where I wanted to steal the otters), going to Penzance (where we have previously stayed, and also where my mum forced me around 29328392832 charity shops), going to Trebah gardens (which was pretty spectacular), and then sighing this morning as I read the referendum result.

As you might know, I’m autistic, and this means that change in any form is very daunting for me. Even small changes affect me but this is a change that will affect my future, my life, everything. I don’t like it. I really don’t. It is so scary… and the uncertainty of it…

My holiday was pretty good until that point; apparently Cornwall is much more dog-friendly than Sussex! I saw dogs everywhere, even in shops, which is a rarer sight in Sussex. I stayed in this caravan, too, which was nice but I had to make my mum buy me paper plates and cups as the ones in the caravan were too dirty for me.

I shall be posting more frequently again. I tend to be a spontaneous writer, rather than a planner, which was why there were no scheduled posts whilst I was away. I don’t like things that aren’t fresh! 😉

How has your week been? What are your thoughts on the EU referendum?

Thank you for reading,

Lia

Storms!

There’s currently a storm, which means loads of rain, plenty of thunder, and some flashes of lightning. I love storms; the sounds, the atmosphere, the cozy feel you get from the realisation that you aren’t out there — or the laughter you and your friends give as you rush back home through the catastrophe. I remember once, me and my friend were stuck out in a storm and she didn’t have a coat (but didn’t get cold, apparently) and we had to run through it. It was a pretty fun experience, in all honesty, even if we did get soaked.

Diego is terrified and I’m stroking him to make sure he knows that it’s okay. Pablo still harasses him, even when he’s scared, which is just so lovely of him — though is pretty indifferent to storms. It’s not nice when your pets are scared, so I make sure they know they’re safe.

On another note, I’m going on holiday on Sunday! That means I probably won’t be able to put up any blog posts up for about a week because my laptop won’t be with me! We’re also celebrating Father’s Day tomorrow because of this and I’ve gotten my dad a card with a dog wearing a top hat on it, which can’t really be beaten. So, yeah, we’re going to Cornwall  to a caravan park, which will be nice. 🙂

Do you guys like storms or not? Why?

Let me know! 🙂

Thank you for reading his post,

Lia

P.S: just as I finished this post, the biggest thunder roar occurred that made my heart jump! It was massive!

Judging

So, I was at my autism group today — as I go to most Tuesdays, excluding next week because I’m on holiday! — and there was a new boy. Well, two new boys, but this particular new boy is the one I’m gonna talk about because this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him.

In fact, we were at school together for years, in the same class, and he was alright – sometimes a bit annoying but sometimes nice. He had a few anger problems and I remember this one incident when he pushed a girl to the ground and she really over-exaggerated it, claiming she couldn’t remember anything, just because she was quite attention-seeking and manipulative. To be honest, I was glad he pushed her over — but that’s not the point! He got in trouble for that, and we just thought he had behavioural issues, but we never found out the reason.

I found out today though. It was a very late diagnosis, apparently, even later than mine — but I now see those memories so differently to how I did before. Before, I saw him as a boy with anger issues; now, I see him as more similar to me than I thought. He was nice today but it’s made me think.

Lots of people have issues that are invisible; like me, like him, and they get judged for them because they’re invisible. People wonder why they’re so out of sorts but then they don’t know the real reason. I didn’t know the real reason but now I do and I guess my mind feels a bit cleaner, if you get what I mean. He didn’t know the reason either but now he does. We both do, I guess.

Someone might get angry, or they might assume, but that isn’t their fault and you should make sure you make them feel appreciated. Don’t ignore them, don’t leave them out; if you give them the friend they want, maybe they won’t get angry, or maybe they won’t assume. We just want to be understood and once we’re understood, then we’ll be happy, and you can be happy too. 🙂

Thank you so much for reading this post

Got any suggestions? I’m open!

Lia 🙂

The End [Poem]

So I wrote a poem… enjoy…

she sits on her bed

her eyes are crying

but no tears fall

she shakes her head

her arms are shaking

but shes not cold

she claws her skin

her feet are thumping

but no sound is made

remembering the sin

her mind made

before it died

The Psychologist [Short Story]

So I wrote this story and I’d appreciate feedback. 🙂

“How do you feel right now?”

“Like maybe I don’t want to be here… to exist…”

“I see.”

Jeremy Bryan, a qualified psychologist, examines his nineteen-year-old patient, Anya Williams, carefully, watching her every movement. Her nervousness is noticed as her hands clasp onto each other and her teeth chatter. It’s as if she’s cold, but she’s in a well-heated room, with the windows shut.

After a moment, Jeremy smiles.

“Can you explain these feelings?”

“Yes.. um.. It’s like I’m trapped and the only way out is… you know…”

“I see.”

He looks down at his notepad and makes a note, one that is written in terribly rushed handwriting. He then slowly walks his eyes up her body, watching every part of her intensely. Anya’s stomach growls just a bit and she quickly covers it with her arms.

“Do you have any physical ideas?”

“Well, the one that everyone does is pills– and, if you take enough, doesn’t that work and you don’t have to do much it’s just pills and yeah maybe that’d work and then I’d be free–”

“I see.”

Jeremy lifts his eyebrows, and then stands.

“Do you ever watch the moon?” he eventually asks.

“Why?” Anya retorts, standing up as well, so to be on level with him.

“It’s just… the moon is still seen in the day, sometimes, isn’t it?”

“And sometimes it isn’t.”

“But, when it is, Anya, don’t you think that its defied its expectations? We expect it to die once the sun rises, but sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes it stays, and that is something beautiful, isn’t it?”

“I guess…”
Anya walks over to the door, and Jeremy circles his way towards her, focusing his eyes very carefully on the single braid in her hair.

“Why only one?” he asks.

“Too many is too showy.”

“Why worry about what others think?”

“I’m nineteen, dude.”

“I guess. Anyway, I need to ask you something. Do you want to be the moon?”

“No, I want to be dead, thanks.”

Jeremy laughs, inappropriately so, and strokes her braid.

“Then, by all means, do it before the moon falls.”

With that, he opens the door for Anya and watches her go off, a knowing grin following her footsteps. He hears the exit door shut and closes his own door, sitting back on his chair. He puts his feet up on the desk, pulling a newspaper from it. A single article grabs his attention:

Serial suicides?

“Tick, tock, tick, tock,” he says, “tick, tock, tick, tock — bang.” He looks up to the ceiling, pointing a gun at it, then laughing with such enthusiasm that he starts coughing.

The next day, Anya’s body is found lying in her garden, eyes open and looking straight towards the moon. She’s pale, like the moon, and her hands are clasped together, as if she died peacefully. Her mouth is open though, as open as the moon above her. The moon that did not fade after sunlight.

Jeremy Bryan is sat in his office, with another patient, Joseph Fuller-Jones.

“And how are you feeling, Joseph?” Jeremy continues their conversation.

“I don’t know; I don’t feel anything…” Joseph cuts off short, as if he was going to say something else, but Jeremy doesn’t catch this and just writes a note, in rushed handwriting.

“I wonder, Joseph, have you ever watched the moon?”

The next day, Joseph, too, is found dead, on his apartment’s balcony, staring up at the moon, clasping his hands together.

Thank you so much for reading,

Lia

The Naughtiest Dog Ever!

So, Pablo had one of his most awful walks today — not meaning that other beings were horrible to him, but that he was being awful himself. He is so naughty. Firstly, a woman had two dogs, who were being very civil and calm, until Pablo starts barking at them. She crosses over, saying “I think this little one is going for my dog” and I say “no-no, he just wants to play” (because he does) and then she says “well, you never know, do you?” and look sat him suspiciously. We then cross and go to the park.

In the park, Pablo makes friends with a few dogs, all of whom are much bigger than him and could eat him in one mouthful. He chases them all around the park. Usually, he will come back to me if he’s too far away, but not today. I have to follow him round the park until, finally, I catch him and attach his lead.

So, we exit the park, and as I’m walking along I see one of my mum’s friends across the road, and she’s talking to someone. She says hi, I say hi, but then the woman she’s talking to goes “oh, that’s the naughty dog!” He’s obviously built up quite a reputation now.

Then, we’re on the final road home, and he barks and lunges at a baby in a pram, and the mother flinches and rushes past us. I’m surprised the baby didn’t cry. Then, an old woman is sorting out her walking frame, and Pablo barks and lunges at her too and she gives him this look of fear. He’s really terrible.

He never wants to hurt anyone; he just wants to love, but he definitely goes about it in the wrong manner! I think Marley has competition, to be honest. Thank you Pablo for making people switch sides of the pavement as soon as they see you, for barking for no reason, for being completely mad. You’re a total nightmare but I love you.

Plus, I can make blog posts about you…

Anyway, thank you for reading this post about my terrible dog,

Let me know what type of posts you want from me,

Lia 🙂